


Lexa's Opus

by a_hater



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Classical Music, Drug Use, F/F, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-05-02 23:15:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5267558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_hater/pseuds/a_hater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meeting at a house party, Clarke and Lexa surrender to their physical urges before getting to know one another. As they develop a connection, both confess to their inner demons. Lexa must find a way to prove herself and help Clarke heal to save their budding romance. </p><p>or</p><p>Clarke and Lexa have good physical chemistry but can Lexa get Clarke to truly see the girl she is now?</p><p>First chapter was originally a one shot and can be read alone (to avoid angst or to just satisfy any smutty needs).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thank God for Anya

**Author's Note:**

> This work of fiction is based on true events, all likeness in characters and events are coincidental. I do not own The 100 nor any characters. 
> 
> M.I.A. - Bad Girls
> 
> The second half is pure smut.

Looking through her closet, Lexa sighed as she contemplated if she even wanted to go to the party tonight. Her fingers gripped around her black leather pants as she wondered if it would even be worth it to wear them tonight. Her contact said it was supposed to be a mix of music and art majors tonight and Lexa knew more often than not, they were the types of people to appreciate some leather. 

The sudden silence of her computer signaled to her that she was almost out of time since her 30 min playlist was over. Taking the pants off the hanger, Lexa was determined to make it count tonight. She would find someone tonight if it killed her. 

The brunette usually wasn't the type to try to get a one night stand, or even any physical relationship. Her last and longest relationship ended last year. The fact that her ex wanted to wait to have sex didn't bother her. It was the long distance that wasn't her favorite, especially since it seemed to drive her ex into the arms of someone else. Since then, she had been unable to feed herself properly, much less find someone to connect with. Her friend Anya was the one that convinced her to seek out some physical therapy. The kind that sighs and groans all night.

The woman in question walked through the open door of their dorm room and looked at the pants now sleekly hugging Lexa's legs. A smirk appeared at her dark ox blood covered lips as she remarked, "Thank fucking god!!" she drew out the last word for effect. "I was beginning to wonder if you were going to wear a socks with sandals and a fanny pack." 

Lexa rolled her liquid lined eyes but smirked back at her roommate. "You know I don't own anything that doesn't look utterly cool." the said, looking at her closet just to make sure. She thread her hands through her long hair, gathering two bunches from her temples to bring back into a small pony tail, letting the rest of her wavy locks to rest against her back.

Anya's chuckle was dark and low as she gathered her things, tucking them into her bra. "Yeah whatever." she mumbled, eyes looking over Lexa's outfit in appraisal. Her dark haired friend chose to wear the skin tight black leather pants with a black v neck tee shirt. The v was deep and revealed much of Lexa's neck and chest. Her pointy black Oxfords completed the look but something was missing. Anya looked through her jewelry and pulled out a long gold chain to hand to her friend. 

The brunette just looked at the necklace in her roommate's hand. "I don't-" 

"Just wear the fucking necklace you dumbass." Anya interrupted. "It'll hang by your tits and make girls think about them. Trust me." she said with her eyes glaring at Lexa, warning her not to question her again. She smirked as Lexa silently took the chain.

The two made their way to the party they were texted about only two hours prior, passing a one hitter between them on their walk. They walked through the student ghetto by their college and felt no need to hide the pipe. As they walked, drunk men standing on porches along the street called out to them, inviting them inside. Lexa would have been bothered normally but the pot made her feel light headed and giggly. She just bounced to the beat of the loud music coming from the houses. 

Anya was oddly quiet and Lexa looked over to her friend to see if she was alright. "What's up?" she inquired shyly, not wanting to incur the woman's wrath again this evening. 

The lipsticked woman managed a light "Hah" before smirking at her friend. She pulled her puffy leather jacket open and Lexa's eyes widened at the sight. There were some small bags filled with different things lining her jacket. 

"What the hell dude?" she said too loudly. Anya wasn't a dealer, what was she doing with those? 

"Relax. Look, I was practicing in the music building and someone left their jacket there. When I picked it up, it was full of this shit. I figured we can save some money by using some and then leave the jacket at the party for the owner to pick it up." she finally confessed her plan. Lexa had previously wondered where the jacket came from but didn't worry about it. "Where'd you think I got that?" she asked, pointing to the one hitter in Lexa's hand. 

The brunette looked at it in shock. "Uhh, I thought you bought it, like a sane person." she said, shaking her head. Her green eyes bored into her friend as they kept walking. Anya said nothing, just shrugged and closed her jacket. Lexa thought for a second before asking, "What else is in there?"

Anya laughed and almost kissed her friend on the cheek. "I knew you weren't gonna be a party pooper tonight!" the giggle reached them both as they realized tonight would be quite different from most nights. She pulled out a bag with some pills, "I had to research this for like an hour before finding out what it was, I'd never seen it before." The pills were indeed not something Lexa recognized either. She waited for her friend to explain further. "Apparently they make you take flight." her eye brow wiggled at Lexa suggestively. 

Lexa eyed the meds cautiously. The last time she took something she wasn't familiar with, she wound up throwing up the whole night. "I don't know Anya. I don't want to be totally out of it tonight." she reasoned.

Her roommate looked at her carefully for a moment before putting them back in the fold. Instead she pulled something else out. Her knowing smile was infectious as Lexa recognized it instantly. 

"Well okay. I can definitely do that tonight." she giggled as she took two of the brightly colored tablets and immediately popped them. A slight tumbling in her stomach made her feel chills all over her body as she became very excited about this night. 

When they reached the party, Lexa and Anya were feeling so good that they had no problem getting into the vibe of the house stuffed with students dancing and drinking. Anya grabbed what she needed from the jacket before dropping it to the floor easily. They were set to enjoy the party with the free practice room goods. 

Judging from the bright light coming from the room in back, they knew that was the kitchen where the kegs most likely would be. They slid over to wait in line along the wall leading to the bubbly beverage, the only downside to these parties. Anya huffed impatiently as she eyed the front of the line but Lexa liked waiting for a minute before sinking into the crowd. From the wall, she could see all of the girls dancing and grinding with their friends. Some of them she recognized from mutual classes.

The brunette felt her skin prickle as she was sure her eyes dilated. A feeling of awe came over her as she truly began feeling the effects of the MDMA. The party and the people around her were almost too distracting for her to realize the line was moving without her. A sharp poke from Anya prodded her forward as she entered the kitchen finally. Two gangly looking boys were mixing jungle juice in the corner while the guests crowded around the kegs, trying to get more than one cup of the amber liquid. 

"What the hell is going on here? The line is hardly moving at all!" a sharp voice called from just behind Lexa. She turned to look at the blonde head of hair rushing past her and Lexa was sure she'd just seen an angel. The girl took charge as she told everyone that there was now a one beer limit. 

Lexa stood in awe of the blonde, her hair fell around her shoulders perfectly, outfit hugging her curves, low cut shirt revealing cleavage that was currently heaving and bouncing due to fighting with the people near the kegs. The girl turned, talking to one of the gangly boys mixing jungle juice, before leaving the kitchen to get back to the party. Her eyes followed the girl out of the room before being snapped back to the front of the room. 

"Okay, now you did it. I'm gonna have to stand here and chaperone you like the children you are." said the smaller of the two. The one cup rule worked magnificently, the line moved quickly and soon both Anya and Lexa had cups of frothy liquid. 

They walked out of the kitchen when a lively song everyone seemed to know came on. They were dragged to the center of the floor where they happily stayed and danced with bodies pressing into them from all angles. Anya was a good dancer and her body could catch the rhythms and beat changes better than Lexa's. She whipped her bare hips around with her hands in her hair, making many men and women stare openly at her beautiful friend. Lexa stood closely watching her friend as well, bopping her head, occasionally bending her knees. She looked at her friend who caught her eye, they both nodded and Anya went back to dancing. This was their signal that they were comfortable in this space. They always made sure they checked in with each other in case the other one needed rescuing. 

Feeling the music throb around and inside of her, Lexa felt her core begin to throb with the beat. She sipped at her beer, looking around the crowd for the blonde angel. As she suspected, she saw the girl walking along the edge, most likely keeping the party going flawlessly. The brunette knew then that her leather pants were definitely worth wearing tonight. 

Finding Anya's eyes again, Lexa pointed to the corner, letting her friend know she was moving over there. Anya nodded and then smiled at the strong black hands that gripped her hips. Lexa looked up to see a tall, masculine looking woman dancing behind her friend. She chuckled and walked over to the wall. 

Still bopping to the beat, she suddenly noticed a couple next to her making out roughly. Her eyes went wide as she put some distance between her and the couple as they threw each other onto the wall. On her other side she heard someone laughing and looked up to see the blonde from before. 

"I think they need a room." the girl said, shaking her head. 

Lexa's eyes settled on the blonde's lips as the laugh continues, her own mouth fitting to a small smile. The laughing stopped and Lexa realized she was staring. Her eyes snapped back up to the blonde's eyes and felt a distinct unison throbbing in her chest and in her center. "Yeah." she says lamely. She wished her brain was working better but the blonde just smiled back at her. 

"I'm Clarke by the way. I haven't seen you around, do you go to this school?" she inquired over the loud music. Lexa watched the blonde look her up and down and blushed slightly. 

"Yes." she replied, just as lamely as before. She rolled her eyes at herself before adding, "I'm in poli sci, music minor. My roommate's the music major though." Lexa looked into the crowd to find Anya still dancing with the same woman as before. She smiled as she looked back to Clarke, "Do you go to this school?" 

Clarke laughed and nodded her head before saying, "I'm an art major, this is my house." She seemed to think about something before asking Lexa, "Do you want a tour?" 

Lexa's heart thumped. Of course she wanted a tour. All she could do was nod because her mouth was suddenly very dry. She felt a buzz in her pocket and took out her phone, following Clarke as she checked the text message that came through. 

'Get it Commander Heart Eyes' the text reads from Anya. She looked over to her friend who was laughing at her with her phone out. Lexa rolled her eyes and put her phone back in her pocket. Clarke lead her out to the back yard she didn't know was there until that moment. There were a few people outside smoking but for the most part, everyone was inside. She was grateful though that she could hear the girl slightly better.

Clarke looked at Lexa carefully before asking, "Do you smoke?" 

The question made Lexa pause. She didn't smoke cigarettes but she couldn't tell if the blonde was asking about something else. 

Seeing the brunette roll the question around, Clarke laughed, the sound washing over Lexa and making her giggle to herself as well. "Sorry, I know that question can be vague. I mean do you smoke weed?" she asked as her eyes dropped to Lexa's mouth. 

Lexa wondered if there was something on her mouth as she licked her lips, hoping to catch anything embarrassing with her tongue. She watched Clarke follow the motion before gulping. All the brunette can do at that point is nod, captivated by the other girl's slightly parted lips.

"Oh my god it's a fucking possum!" someone from the corner of the yard shouted as they ran to the other side. The people standing in that area all ran as well, spotting the possum and trying to avoid it. The two girls broke out of their trance as they both looked up with alarm. Once the situation dawned on them both they laughed at the ridiculousness. 

Lexa saw the possum run into the yard next to them and heard shouts coming from their party as well. She laughed even harder, feeling suddenly very giddy and practically vibrated with excitement. Clarke drew her attention again and inquired, "You wanna split a blunt?" 

The brunette, still smiling, nodded her head and followed Clarke back into the house and down some stairs to the basement. Down in the lower level of the house, there was a different, more quiet atmosphere. She looked around and saw some people lounging on couches, some smoking and some just laying back with their eyes closed. She could tell they took care to make this part of the house separate with a black light and interesting posters lining the walls. 

They sat down at a couch with another girl seated in a chair just across from it around the corner. Lexa noticed the corner was secluded and felt very private. The girl had long brown hair pulled into a high pony tail and a brace around her right leg. Taking care to not stare at the arrangement of metal holding the girl's leg, she nodded in greeting. 

"Raven, meet my new friend, uh…" Clarke suddenly looked extremely embarrassed as she realized she didn't know the stranger's name. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. What's your name?" 

She smiled and said, "Lexa." Turning to the new brunette she greeted, "Nice to meet you Raven." It was nice to meet new people, but Lexa thought she would be with Clarke alone. She felt disappointment burn in her chest as she realized she might not be alone with the blonde tonight. 

"Well, let's get this started. Clarke you got a rollup?" she asked her friend next to her. When Clarke handed her a cigar, she began taking it apart and removing the tobacco. "Grape flavored, of course." Raven rolled her eyes at Lexa. She just smiled back at the girl. 

Lexa felt another buzz in her pocket. 'Where you at? I'm bout to leave with this girl.' from Anya. She chuckled at her friend's ability to leave a party early and it still being a good thing. 

"The roommate?" Clarke questioned, looking over her shoulder at the text message. 

"Yeah, she's just wondering where I am. I think she's leaving soon but I can stay." she said while typing her reply to Anya, 'Blunt with blonde. don't wait up.' Before Clarke can see what she wrote, she quickly shoved it back in her pocket. Her eyes met Clarke's again and she realized how close she was to the girl on the couch. Her knee bumped the blonde's as she states, "Your hair looks really cool in the black light." As she watched the blonde, she realized just how obviously dorky she sounded. She blushed as Clarke giggled. 

"And, it's almost done! Clarke can you do the honors?" Raven asked, thankfully bringing Clarke's attention away from Lexa. 

She watched, stomach clenching as Clarke took the wrap from Raven and licked the blunt, getting the wrapping wet enough to stay in place. Lexa's heart pounded and she felt a strong twitch in her clit watching the blonde's tongue massage the rolled paper. 

"Okay damn girl, you don't have to get it off, just get it wet." Raven remarked, shifting in the chair across from them. Clarke laughed and handed it back to Raven. Lexa guessed the person who rolled got to light it in this house and watched the tip become red as Raven drew in a long breath. 

When the blunt came to Lexa, she took a second to bring it to her lips, suddenly becoming embarrassed that she would have Clarke's residual saliva on her lips. They easily finished it between the three of them, Raven and Clarke making jokes the whole time and Lexa feeling really good sitting next to the beautiful girl. 

Minutes later, Raven got a text and told them she would have to go deal with something quickly. Lexa watched her carefully limp away and upstairs just as she felt a cool breeze on her ear. She looked over and realized Clarke was very close to her face. THC and alcohol coursing through both of their bodies, they were unable to stop themselves from leaning forward. Their lips crashed together, lips caressing and pushing into each other. Lexa's skin felt alive with Clarke's touch, the blonde caressing her jaw and threading her fingers into the dark brown locks. 

They broke apart for air and Lexa looked carefully into Clarke's eyes, questioning. Clarke seemed to be enchanted when she dove back into the kiss, pushing Lexa down onto the couch below her. She felt hands running along her sides, pushing up, past her chest and drawing her arms above her head. 

Lexa moaned into Clarke's mouth, arching her back as she felt the girl above her lean a knee into her center. She tried to bring her hands to Clarke's body but felt the blonde's hand still pinning them down above her head. Clarke broke away from the kiss and looked down at Lexa, eyes half lidded. 

"Lexa you're so beautiful." she whispered before diving back into the girl below, nibbling at her ear and licking the sensitive spot just behind it. Lexa moaned again and brought her own thigh to meet Clarke's center. She shivered as she felt the heat on her thigh through the leather pants. Lexa's breath hitched as Clarke's head lowered onto her chest, moving her hands to bring the shirt up to get to Lexa's nipples poking through the cloth of her shirt. Clarke was pleased to find Lexa wasn't wearing a bra as she clamped her mouth down, starting to flick her tongue up and down across the nipple. 

"Oh my god." Lexa moaned, hands grabbing onto Clarke's hair, pushing her deeper onto her breast. Her breath turned heavy as Clarke deepened her thrusting against Lexa's center as well. The blonde moved to the other nipple and Lexa grabbed her ass, pushing her onto her own thigh, encouraging the girl to grind herself harder as well. 

Clarke sat up on top of Lexa and took her shirt off, throwing it in the corner. Lexa moved to take hers off as well and then unhooked the girl's bra, bringing herself up to latch onto the waiting pert nipples. Clarke moaned in her lap, hands lightly clawing at Lexa's back. She sucked hard and Clark jerked her hips into Lexa's abdomen, grinding herself against Lexa, "Fuck, ah that feels so good." she moaned, her head almost thrown back, arching her chest into Lexa's mouth deeper. 

The brunette grabbed her ass once again, sinking her fingers into the pliable flesh beneath the denim material. She laid her back on the couch, reversing their roles and laying on top of Clarke. Lexa wrapped Clarke's legs around her back and ground down, loving the noises coming from the girl underneath her. They drove her crazy and she growled against the girl's neck, biting down before soothing the bite with her tongue. 

"Take them off." Clarke said, pushing her own pants down her hips. Lexa backed off and tore off the pants and panties in a single tug. She gulped as she saw the light colored hair dripping wet beneath her, pink labia poking out slightly from the folds below. She reached down and pulled the labia slightly before dipping her fingers in the wet pool near Clarke's entrance. Her muscles rippled in pleasure as she felt just how wet Clarke had become. Lexa looked into Clarke's eyes, seeing them full of want and completely bare beneath her and knew she had no time for the teasing she wanted initially. She needed to feel the wet walls around her fingers, now. 

"How many?" she managed to get out, rubbing the girl's clit with one hand and holding Clarke's quivering thigh with her other. 

The blonde reached out to touch Lexa's lightly defined abs and growled out, "Three." 

Lexa knew it wouldn't be a problem with how wet the girl was, but she still started off with two fingers, pushing in slowly at first before feeling the wetness gush over her knuckles. She pulled them out slowly and added the third before repeating the same process. Clarke moaned loudly and Lexa was sure the people around the corner in the basement could hear them at this point. 

The thought quickly disappeared though, as she felt the muscles of Clarke's inner walls clutching at her fingers. She groaned as she found a slow pace, working the girl below her until she begged for more. Keeping her fingers straight for the time being, she allowed Clarke to just feel the girth of her three fingers pushing in and out of her, stretching her slightly. 

Clarke's hips were trying desperately to meet Lexa's slow rhythm but it was clear that she wanted something faster. Lexa maintained her pace, waiting for the girl to beg her to move her pace her faster. The moan from the girl underneath her turned into a whine. "Please." 

"Please what?" Lexa whispered close to Clarke's ear. She let her tongue meet the blonde's ear and bite down on the lobe.

Clarke moaned again, "Please…" she paused as if not wanting to resort to begging fully. Her eyes drifted closed in pleasure before jerking wide as Lexa pushed in slightly harder and deeper than before. She had already been begging with her body so far but she knew what Lexa wanted to hear. She obliged her, "Fuck me harder Lexa."

Lexa groaned loudly, almost sounding primal as she took her pace faster. She sat back on her knees and watched her fingers sink into the girl faster and faster. Clarke's back arched off the couch and she started to whimper. The brunette placed a hand on the girl's lower stomach just as she began pulling her fingers forward toward the end of her thrusts. This emitted a loud moan from Clark as she huffed, "Oh god, I'm so close. Don't stop." Lexa went even faster, pounding into the girl harder. 

The blonde's legs began to shake first, then her whole body as she began to peak. "Come for me Clarke." Lexa moaned, feeling the girl's walls tighten on her fingers. Large tremors drew through Clarke's body as she shook from her orgasm, breath shuddering out.

The tremors began to slow down as Clarke's breath came more evenly. Lexa soothed the now exhausted walls gently, bringing Clarke down from her heightened state. 

Blue eyes met Lexa's green ones as a big smile made them crinkle. Clarke noted, "You're really good with your hands."

Lexa chuckled, slowly withdrawing her hand. The blonde shuddered at the loss but watched in awe as Lexa licked her hand clean of her juices. "And you taste amazing." the brunette replied. 

Clarke's eyes darted to the hallway connecting their secluded corner with the main basement and laughed, "I don't think Raven's coming back."

The brunette above her laughed as well, "I think she probably heard you moaning and didn't want to disturb us." As she laughed though, she could feel her own juices seeping through her underwear. "I also think you completely ruined my underwear." she jabbed, still smiling at the girl. 

"Well, let me take care of that for you." Clarke said and shifted to her knees in front of Lexa.

"Oh yeah? You think you're up for it?" Lexa smirked, challenging Clarke. 

The blonde's eyes narrowed as she pushed Lexa down onto her back. She undid the leather pants and yanked them off, leaving the boyshorts on. "Yes." she replied gruffly and bent down to take Lexa's wet stained underwear into her mouth. Her tongue ran the length of Lexa's cotton covered slit, wetness seeping through and covering her tongue. 

"Fuck." Lexa groaned as she felt the hot breath and insistent tongue through her already ruined underwear. She grabbed a handful of blonde hair as the girl flicked her tongue along her clit. "Take them off."

She was glad that Clarke did as told. The girl breathed hard and stared down at the dripping black hairs hungrily. Encouraging her to bring her mouth back to her earlier licking and sucking, Lexa flexed her hips, rolling her center up to Clarke. Moaning, Clarke dove back down to take all of Lexa into her mouth. 

The devilish tongue at her clit made Lexa moan but the fingers rubbing at her entrance only extended her moan. She canted her hips into Clarke's mouth, wanting to feel the fingers deep inside of her. The blonde quickly granted her wish and pushed two fingers into Lexa, letting her get used to the girth as she remained still. As soon as she felt she could, Lexa moved her hips slightly to show Clarke she could move. 

The pace Clarke was taking was much faster than the one Lexa used and she was grateful for it. The brunette loved teasing the blonde but she needed her release soon. She felt Clarke suck at her clit and knew it must be enlarged from desire for the girl to be able to wrap her lips completely around it. She let the beginnings of her orgasm pull her back off the couch and then crunch her in the opposite direction, abs contracting as she let the waves wash over her. Clarke moaned around her clit and the vibrations sent her over the edge. Her body curled wildly and shook but the girl between her legs maintained her position, trying to guide Lexa down from her orgasm. 

They laid there for a minute in silence before Lexa broke it saying, "You're good with your hands too." 

Clarke giggled and looked into the deep green eyes of the woman below her. "Thank you Lexa." she said shyly. Her cheeks turned slightly red, "I don't usually um, do this, so I don't really know where to go from here." Her eyes dart around as she picks herself up from her spot on top of Lexa. 

The brunette just watched Clarke for a second before offering, "I don't either." Blue eyes met hers and they stared at each other. 

"Would you like to go to a movie tomorrow?" the question comes as a surprise to both. Lexa's eyes widen as she realized she did actually just ask the girl out on a date while they both still dripped from sex, eyeing each other's completely naked bodies. 

Thankfully Clarke smiled and looked into her eyes again, "I think I'd like that. Here, give me your phone." Her hand is out, expectantly waiting. 

Lexa reached over to the chair Raven occupied earlier to wiggle the phone out of her pocket. She gave it to Clarke and watched the girl save her number into her phone. 

"There, I just texted my phone from yours, now I have your number too." she said as she waved the phone around the air. She smiled when she saw the grin on Lexa's face. "Just one thing." she starts, "You have to wear those pants tomorrow again too." 

Lexa giggled and promised to wear them.


	2. Rotten Tomatoes Are Really Confusing to Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty fluffy, no smut.
> 
> Boots ft Beyonce- Dreams
> 
> Lexa actually tries really hard and it's adorbz.

"Oh my god." Lexa heard Anya moan from her desk. She turned to face her roommate who was slumped over her laptop with her earbuds still in her ears. Even though the girl couldn't see her, Lexa still felt her eyebrow rise in question. 

Anya ripped out the earbuds and turned to complain to Lexa without losing a beat. "I'm seriously going to kill Schoenberg. Wait, is he even alive? If he is then I'm killing him." she blurted and turned back to her computer, searching for the name in wiki. "Oh, he died in the fifties. Never mind." 

Lexa laughed at her ridiculous friend, "Anya. What are you talking about?" Normally the brunette wouldn't take the time to engage with anyone in this delirious state but she could admit even to herself that laughing freely at her friend made her feel good. 

Shoulders dropped, Anya stated, "You have no idea how stupid this class is Lexa. We're the only school that requires a contemporary music class for the performance degree. All we do is sit around and listen to noises!" As if accentuating the word noises, Anya smacked the desk with both hands. 

Turning away to hide the massive eye roll from the music major, Lexa began looking for a top to go with her pants. "And is complaining about it making it any better?" she deadpanned. 

"Ye- hey, where are you going?" Anya asked, finally noticing Lexa getting ready to leave. "You wore those pants last night." 

Just shrugging her shoulder, the brunette said, "They're comfortable." Her gaze shifted to her friend nervously, "I'm going to see a movie." She hoped Anya would leave it at that, talking about her love life never ceased to embarrass her. 

"Okay. Can I come?" Anya asked innocently. 

"No." Lexa's voice turned authoritative. She pulled a see through white v neck on.

Her roommate walked over to face her, "You totally made a date with your one night stand." Upon seeing the brunette look away and blush she added, "You're such a dork Lexa." 

"Well, this was nice, I have to go right now immediately." she said hurriedly as she pulled a light black jacket around her shoulders, heading out the door before Anya could say anything more. She was too giddy to argue with a music major facing her contemporary course. By the time she reached Clarke's house, her body vibrated excitedly. 

The phone in her pocket buzzed, 'Be right down ;) '. Lexa knew better than to let the over-used wink face excite her but her body reacted none the less. Her heart pounded and her mouth watered. She messed with her hair nervously, should she have put it up? No, it might be useful to hide her easily blushing cheeks later on. 

Hearing a couple thunks from the porch, Lexa raised her glance to watch the gorgeous girl from last night walking down the couple steps in a loose fitting tunic with black tights. Her eyes drew over Clarke's shoulders and arms and took in the loose, billowy sleeves coming to buckle around her wrists. Her breath hitched as she realized she was beginning to adore the way the wavy blonde hair laid around her face. 

"Are you ready?" Clarke spoke after a minute of appraising the other girl as well. After receiving a nod from Lexa, they walked around the corner to the main uptown drag. As they walked, Lexa found her hand falling close to Clarke's, brushing occasionally.

"This movie has a 6.6 on rotten tomatoes." Lexa said lamely. She silently cursed her brain for pushing useless facts on her when she wracked it for things to say to the dazzling girl next to her. 

A giggle brought her attention to Clarke and her eyes locked onto the lips she nibbled last night. 

Oh, now she remembered why her brain isn't working, it can't stop thinking about last night. 

"I never totally understood that website. Like is it good to have a higher number or not? I would think the higher the number, the more tomatoes people wanted to throw at the screen." Clarke rambled, hands fiddling with the buckles around her wrists. 

Before Lexa could respond, they were at the ticket window. She bought their tickets (not without strong protesting from Clarke) and lead them to their theater. 

"Where do you want to sit?" Lexa asked, looking over the large theater. Usually she would take the spot directly in the center without hesitation but she thought it would be polite to let her date chose. 

"I don't know, where do you want to sit?" Clarke responded, not even looking at the seats, eyes trained on Lexa. 

Biting down the annoying reply of a continuous, 'I don't know, where do you wanna sit?', Lexa just lead the girl, taking her hand in hers, to her preferred seat. When they sat down, they didn't let go of each others hands but an awkward silence fell over them. The previews hadn't even started yet so they sat in silence, the only noise coming from the other strangers coming in. 

"I think it's better if the movie has more tomatoes." she said after trying to think of something to say. 

"What?" Clarke asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Lexa cleared her throat, "Um, on rotten tomatoes. I think the higher number is a good thing." She wished she could just fling herself into a hole. 

"Oh." Clarke said simply and let the silence fall over them again. 

The brunette felt her body tense as she felt more and more awkward. "Uh, so how did you sleep last night?" she kicked herself hard for that one. The only things she could think of were completely lame, she couldn't think of a good reason Clarke would want to date her again. 

Her eyes met the blonde's after not hearing an answer and inhaled sharply as she took in the dilated pupils staring at her lips. Lexa nervously darted her tongue out to wet her lips and felt her heart pound as she saw Clarke bring her lower lip in between her teeth to bite it. The hand on her thigh surprised her and she jerked slightly before relaxing into the touch. Resting her hand on top of Clarke's, Lexa leaned forward to capture the lips made rosy from being bitten. 

"Excuse me!" a large man with long greasy hair boomed to the right of Lexa. She almost jumped out of her seat. 

The girl looked up to see the man holding a large bucket of popcorn in one hand and a large soda in the other. Lexa let him slide through in front of her. She held her breath as she came face to ass with the man walking in front of her. 

The sound of Clarke giggling lightly made Lexa open her eyes back up, not realizing she had them clamped shut. "Oh my god, I thought he was gonna bust us for trying to make out in the movies." the blonde said quietly, returning her hand to Lexa's thigh. 

Lexa laughed as well, pleased to have the tension relieved. "Me too." she managed to get out as the previews started. They smiled at each other for a few moments before turning to enjoy the snippets of movies to come. 

Standing outside of Clarke's house later that evening, Lexa held the girls hands and looked shyly into her eyes. "Thank you for watching that with me Clarke." she said quietly. 

Clarke nodded and replied, "Thanks for taking me Lexa. I had a good time." Her face inched forward slightly and Lexa took the hint to bring her lips to the plump, rosy ones she wanted to kiss since they left the theater. 

Soft buds pressed into hers and she was instantly transported to outer space. There were no fireworks, instead, galaxies were born. She could see swirls of color race around, smashing into each other to create new worlds. 

What a kiss.

Hands reached into her hair and Lexa relaxed into Clarke's grip. They broke apart and Clarke added, "And thanks for wearing those pants. They make your ass look really hot." Lexa blushed slightly and returned to the lips that seemed to have their own gravitational pull. Her hands wandered to Clarke's sides, sending a chill through the blonde. 

They broke apart panting, both feeling that this kiss could lead to something serious very soon. Lexa was the first to speak, "Clarke, I want to get to know you better before we have sex again." Her eyes searched the sidewalk beneath her, waiting for Clarke to become annoyed or angry. 

Blonde hair bounced slightly as she nodded and said, "I'd like that. I usually don't do that kind of thing the first time I meet someone." Seeing her words strike, Lexa wincing slightly, she added, "I don't regret it at all, trust me, I had a really, really good time last night." Her hands cupped Lexa's face to further demonstrate her point, "But I also had a really good time today, I'd like to get to know you better." Her breath came rushing out as she felt Lexa grip her forearms.

A smile broke out over Lexa's lips, "I would like to get to know you better as well Clarke." she kissed the girl's forehead. She had no idea what she did tonight for the blonde to want to date her again but she wasn't complaining. "Maybe we can meet for coffee between classes at some point this week?" 

"Absolutely." Clarke replied, grinning widely, "It's a date." 

The girls separated and Lexa was pleased to look back and see Clarke waiting on the porch, watching her leave until she turned the corner. "Yes!" she shouted as soon as she was out of sight.

/

"Lexa." a voice called from the other side of the room. The brunette couldn't hear though, her own brain working, thinking, processing. "Lexa!" she could barely hear her roommate talking but couldn't bring herself out of her task. 

A soft thunk snapped her back into reality and she turned in her seat, glaring at her now smirking friend. She picked up the stuffed animal that previously was used as a projectile aimed at her head. 

"Really Anya?" she said, gripping the small cat too hard. 

Her friend gasped and ran over quickly, reaching for her favorite snuggle buddy. "Give her back!" she yelled, jumping, trying to reach her stuffed animal that Lexa was holding high above her head. "Give me Miss. Toebeans!" 

Lexa laughed cruelly, keeping the cat just out of Anya's reach. "If you really loved her, you wouldn't have thrown her." she said plainly to the now red faced girl.

Anya's eyes widened and she gasped, "Oh my god Lexa, did your breath smell like that during your date?" She waved a hand in front of her nose for effect.

Panicking, Lexa raised a hand to her mouth, huffing her breath out to smell what her friend was talking about. Just as she realized her breath didn't smell, she saw Anya rushing back to the safety of her bed, Miss. Toebeans clutched in her hands. 

"Dude, what the fuck?" Lexa said. She eyed her friend wearily. 

Her roommate just shrugged and stated, "Your incessant tapping is getting obnoxious. There are soundproof rooms in the music building for public use you know." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and went back to focusing on her laptop. "None of the other music minors are this annoying."

Fuming slightly, Lexa sat back down. She picked up her drum sticks and played with them, twirling them around in front of her. "I want that timpani part Anya." 

"Okay, well you can challenge other players for their parts during orchestra. That means we have…" she looked at her watch, "three hours for you to go to the music building and practice there instead of distracting me." Anya's cool voice would have shot straight through most others at the college. In fact, she had gone through (ruined) many roommates before agreeing to room with her high school friend. 

Though they were good friends, they both knew Anya had a gift for insulting those close to her. The girl didn't want to strain her friendship with Lexa, but she didn't know that Lexa would be able to bounce her cool comments off her thick skin. No matter how many rude or mean things she said to her friend, the girl would reply normally.

The percussionist twirled the stick around her index finger a couple of times before making up her mind, she would practice on the real timpani until orchestra. Then she would become the first music minor to ever play timpani in a concert. 

/ 

Anya walked into the rehearsal space just a few minuets before Dr. Jaha would start tuning. The brunette watched her friend warm up with a few quick lip slurs into her mouthpiece- an unfortunate necessity, the act itself was extremely annoying. 

Lexa carefully triple checked the tuning of the four large drums set before her, lowering her ear to listen carefully. 

Her roommate walked up the risers to her spot by Lexa without drawing the girl's attention. Making sure to face her bell towards the nervous wreck, she blew into her french horn hard. She laughed when Lexa dropped her mallets in surprise. 

"Stop looking so nervous. Where's Jay anyway?" Anya asked, looking around to spot the usual timpani player. 

Lexa was sure he would come in any moment, veins popping all over his face and neck as per usual, and kick her out of the spot she took at her desired drums. There could only be one timpani player in this rendition of the piece they were playing and it was up to her to fight for her chance. 

The percussionist tried to keep her cool, straightening her clothes, keeping her face neutral. Jaha came through the doors and the students fell silent. He tossed his attendance book to the first violinist he saw, expecting it to be marked by the end of tuning. The conductor looked over the group severely while the concert master took the podium to ask the oboe to play the A. 

Sweat began dripping at the back of Lexa's neck, her long hair doing nothing to alleviate the sudden rush of heat. Jaha spotted her at the timpani and walked over. She gulped. 

"Where is Jay?" he asked gruffly and straight to the point. 

Shaking her head, Lexa replied, "I don't know Dr. Jaha. I haven't seen him all day." She wouldn't normally see that disgusting man anyway but she knew it would help to convey that without a doubt, he wasn't coming, and that she should take over his part.

Jaha squinted his eyes at the girl. "And you can play the part?" he said, stressing the 'you' as if he didn't believe it.

"Yes sir." formality could get her a lot of places, and she needed to be here. 

"Alright. But I will pull you off and put Blake on if you can't keep up." the conductor said, turning away immediately leaving no room for conversation. 

Shock held her for only a few seconds before she realized she had the part. Well, she would if she got through this rehearsal. Bellamy would have to cozy up with that triangle part because she wasn't going to let go of her spot.

"Holy shit Lexa." she heard from the risers next to her. 

She nodded, smiling slightly before flipping quickly to the number Jaha barked out. With that, it began. It was extremely tough; timpani was the end all be all of orchestral percussionists and Lexa had a burning need to be the best. 

"Thank you, all of you for a good rehearsal today. We still have a lot of work to do before this is performance ready and we only have three rehearsals left. I trust you will all practice your orchestra music at least 3 hours a day every day until the concert a week from today." Jaha stated firmly. There was no question in his voice. "We will be playing the concert exactly in this formation. If you tried a new part today, congratulations, you just won that part." With that, he turned and disappeared through the double doors. 

"Holy shit." was all she could say. She won the part. She was going to play timpani in the concert. 

/

'You should have seen it! I rocked that timp!' she texted to Clarke, immediately wanting to share her thrill with the girl. 

She and Anya were at a bar just down the street, getting celebratory drinks. In fact, there were many orchestra students there. 

"Is there something we don't know about?" she asked Anya. Her roommate would be more likely to know since she barely ever left the music building. 

Anya just shrugged her shoulders, not caring too much about anything that wasn't at their table. Her eyes glanced to her friend's phone. "Texting your blondie?" she asked, eyebrow quirked. 

Lexa shifted in her seat, "Yes." 

"Tell me you didn't invite her here." Anya groaned.

"I didn't. Would you like me to?" she said neutrally, a laugh just shy of escaping. 

Slapping herself in the forehead, her roommate shook her head before nodding her head to the entryway. Lexa turned to look in the direction. 

"Clarke." she whispered. An odd feeling washed over her. She suddenly felt unaware of what she should do. If she went over to Clarke now, it would signal to the blonde that Lexa wanted to invade and possibly take over her evening out. That was another thought, who was she out with? 

Her eyes searched and found Raven limping slightly behind the girl, laughing at something a mop of brown shaggy hair was saying. He turned slightly and Lexa saw Bellamy, the boy who could within his rights take the timpani part from her next concert. 

She did not want to speak to Clarke in front of him. But she knew that if she hid and the blonde saw her later, she would wonder why Lexa didn't say hi. 

Their relationship was extremely new and Lexa felt too awkward. She turned back to Anya who was apparently speaking.

"-that total uptight weasel. It's almost like he's actually stuck a drum stick up his own ass. Look at him, I can practically see it sticking out." her roommate was talking about Bellamy. 

Lexa wanted to leave. She didn't want to feel jealous as her new date, friend, lady, girl whatever sat next to her orchestra rival. She didn't want to feel betrayed that instead of replying to her texts, the blonde was having drinks with that total uptight weasel. 

"Let's go. Out the back." Lexa said, a pained look in her eyes. Anya only nodded and they were gone, walking back to their dorm. 

Anya walked silently beside her friend, unsure what to say next. Instead of words, Anya produced the one hitter and passed it to Lexa. 

Gratefully Lexa pulled a drag, then another one, then one more, before handing it back to her friend. They said nothing as they passed the dorm building, neither wanting to head inside at the moment. 

For the first time in a long time, the pot did nothing to help Lexa feel better.


	3. 1,001 Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strongly recommend you listen to Rimsky-Korsakov's rendition of Scheherazade. My description doesn't do it justice. 
> 
> Sonnymoon- Soft Shoulders
> 
> Lexa gets double dirty, Clarke has an art show, and Anya gets nervous. No smut. Some fluff.

A light chime from her phone woke her up. Lexa always was a light sleeper, a fact which Anya pretended to forget every night when she came back late and woke her roommate up. 

She realized it wasn't her roommate this time, and rolled over to get her phone from her bedside table. 

Lexa groaned, it was 6am. Who texts at 6am? She focused her tired eyes to see the name on her screen. Raven. "What?" she whispered. She didn't remember putting Raven's number in her phone. 

'Clarke has an art show tonight. You're coming.' Her tired eyes rolled at the tone of the message. It wasn't a request. Lexa rolled back over without replying and tried to go back to sleep. 

/

When Anya woke up at 9am, she saw Lexa sitting up in bed quietly looking at her phone. 

/

Lexa stood in line at the on campus café. Her phone was in her hand still but she seemed to be using it as a mallet against her other hand. She looked around and hoped she didn't see blonde hair for once. After being forced to confront her not so nice feelings of jealousy the other day, she hadn't talked to the blonde at all. Her blood still boiled slightly when she pictured Bellamy sitting next to her lady- girl- …thing. 

It was her turn to order. "Double dirty chai with soy please." she managed to smile despite the thoughts running through her head. She would be damned if she wasn't polite to a service worker. 

Waiting for her highly caffeinated drink to be made, Lexa went back to smacking her hand with her phone to the beat coming from the speakers. Tonight she had another orchestra rehearsal- the last rehearsal before the dress rehearsal. She would have to watch Bellamy standing next to her- a thought which sent her heart racing, and not in a good way. Lexa simultaneously looked forward to it and dreaded it. Seeing him might make her jealousy freshly infect her brain again, but it would also be so satisfying to watch him play with his triangle and cymbal while she- the clearly better percussionist- created the backbone of the orchestra through the timpani. 

"Double dirty chai. Soy." the barista called over the low din of the café. Grabbing her drink, Lexa forced herself to go over her last marketing class in her head and to not think of the beautiful blonde. 

/ 

This was the slowest she'd ever walked to the music building from her dorm. Images of slapping Bellamy across the face with his own drum sticks filled her head. She walked slightly faster. 

As she entered the room Lexa took her tuner out of her pocket and timp mallets out of her mallet backpack case. This rehearsal would be grueling. A light chime brought her out of her thoughts. Quickly, Lexa took her phone out and turned the volume off. 

'I don't know what your game is but Clarke actually likes you. You're coming.' Another text from Raven. Another non-request. She sighed in resignation. 

"Dude if that went off during rehearsal you'd be dead." Anya's voice smacked her out of her self pity. 

Lexa smiled and an idea came to her. "What are you doing after orchestra?" she asked her favorite roommate. Her only roommate. Her only friend. 

A moment of silence and a glare from Anya told her she'd have to convince her. "A report that's due in two days." 

"Well, you know how I drove you to school every day senior year and didn't ask for anything in return?" Leading with a guilt trip would make this whole thing move much faster. 

"Ugh oh my god Lexa please. Don't do this to me." the other girl's eyes were shut, trying to stop the conversation before it could happen. 

"It's just an art show. You need to do an extra curricular event for your stress management class right? This is school work Anya." she didn't pull any punches. She knew she had to go to Clarke's art show but couldn't go alone and stew in her insidious emotions. She needed her best friend even if she would never admit that explicitly. 

"Let's tune!" a strong voice called out to the orchestra. Jaha eyed them all, daring them to try to finish their interrupted conversations. 

Lexa shot a meaningful look to Anya who only sighed and rolled her eyes before tuning her horn.

"Alright, take out your Scheherazade people. From the beginning."

Driving out all extra thoughts- especially ones including drum sticks and a certain percussionist sitting next to her- Lexa took in possibly her favorite piece of music they've played so far, pushing herself harder and further than before. They ran through the entire 40 minute piece. Afterwards, Lexa felt drained and proud. Relaxed now, she could take on the art show with Anya. 

/

"Are we underdressed?" Anya asked, looking around at the others there. Since they came from class and neither knew what people wore to art shows, they came in normal clothes. Lexa in leggings and a long baggy shirt, and Anya in jeans and a band tee shirt. 

Lexa shrugged and allowed herself to admire the pieces along the walls. "Does it matter? We're here, they can't really complain about people coming to appreciate art." she mumbled. 

"Are we really here to appreciate art Lexa? Or are we here to appreciate your girlfriend?" Lexa winced and knew that Anya was beyond done with the evening and would continue to push Lexa until she let her off the hook. But she wouldn’t grant her roommate that permission. If she had to suffer here then so did Anya. 

"I knew you weren't dumb enough to skip out tonight." Lexa turned, it was Raven standing next to her, eyes focused on the same piece she was looking at just before. 

They stood in silence for a minute and Anya cleared her throat. "Excuse me, Lexa can I speak to you alone?" she grabbed Lexa's arm and lead her to a nearby deserted hallway. 

"Anya you're not leaving." Lexa said, trying to turn back and enter the room again. 

"Shut up. Did you know she would be here?" her eyes were wide and voice was urgent. Wondering what could possibly be wrong, Lexa glanced back to make sure they were really alone.

"Yeah, she's the one who told me to come." she said evenly, still unsure what was about to happen. 

Anya sighed and Lexa noticed the slight red tint on her cheeks. "Don't judge me." she warned and glared at Lexa who in turn glared back at her roommate. Lexa had an idea of what was about to come out of her friend's mouth. "I slept with her last year but I don't think she recognized me."

Lexa groaned. Her roommate had done this a few times now. Added an extra bit of sex life drama to an already complicated situation. As if she didn't already have enough to think about. "Okay well if she didn't recognize you then why are you telling me about it?" 

A short silence and eyes drawn to the floor made Lexa groan again. She couldn't believe of all the one night stands, Anya had to get hung up on Raven. 

"Oh my god Anya you're so embarrassed." Lexa teased, not being able to resist some payback. A sharp smack to the back of her head let her know to not poke the bear any more. "Alright, what do you want me to do about it?" 

"I want you to find out if she remembers me. See if she's dating anyone now." seeing her roommate's eyes roll for possibly the seventh time that conversation she added, "Do my thing and then we can do your thing. Don't you want to postpone talking to Clarke anyway?" 

Her friend had a point. She nodded and set out to do some recon. 

/

"So Raven, I don't remember getting your number." Lexa said, waving her phone for emphasis. Instead of putting it back in her pocket, she tapped it against her hand absent mindedly- something she'd been doing a lot lately for some reason.

The other brunette smirked and stated, "I have my ways." The conversation lulled again. 

Thinking about her next move, Lexa directed them to the next painting on the wall, eyes never meeting Raven's. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were trying to get a date with me." she joked, knowing Raven would have to defend herself.

"Uh, no. I wouldn't do that to Clarke." she said quickly, shaking her head. 

Perfect, the next question fell into place. She realized she could easily direct this conversation if she kept Raven feeling slightly uncomfortable. They moved to the next painting. "You're a good friend to Clarke." she saw the girl next to relax at the compliment. "Did you two ever date?" Raven tensed up again, more so this time. 

"No way. Don't get me wrong, I think she's attractive. But we're just not like that." Lexa could tell Raven was unaware that this conversation was an interrogation. 

Lexa nodded and they moved to the next painting. She looked to the card next to the canvas, trying to find the artist that went along with the art. It was Clarke's. Her eyes widened and she gaped at the painting in front of her. It was a slightly abstract portrayal of two people sitting on a couch. Her cheeks went red as she realized the two people were none other than herself and Clarke. That was an amazing night. Her breath shuddered and she turned to Raven. "Where's the water?"

The girl lead her to another room with refreshments. Lexa grabbed a water bottle and downed half of it in one gulp. She gained some composure. 

"So Raven, who are you dating anyway?" she said calmly, trying to mask her own feelings. Seeing Raven's cheeks turn slightly red and eyes dart to the floor, she couldn't help a smirk creep out. 

"Um, no one at the moment." she said before turning and leading them back to where they left their circuit around the room. 

Lexa's eyes caught the painting of her and Clarke. She took a sip of water before moving on to the next one. "I wonder where my friend Anya went." she wondered, checking Raven's face for any indication of recognition of the name. 

The girl in the high pony tail widened her eyes and licked her lips before saying, "Oh, is that her name? Haha, she seems nice. Does she go here?" The awkward line of chuckles coming from Raven spoke volumes.

"Oh, I was under the impression that you two had met before." she goaded, feeling victory coming closer. Her smile crept up to her lips as she watched Raven fidget with the rings on her fingers. 

"Really? What did she say about me?" There it was. Lexa's mission was a success, recon collected. 

"Why don't you guys reconnect and I'll find Clarke." she said, swiftly walking (jogging) away. She found Anya's face in the room and nodded to her with a smile. A chuckle escaped as she watched Anya smile brightly, bouncing on the balls of her feet, before calming herself down and walking over to Raven. 

/

It took her a while to find Clarke in the mass of students walking around. When she did, she paused to collect herself before approaching the blonde. This would be painful. 

"I saw your painting." she said, stepping next to Clarke, eyes roaming the painting in front of them. 

A long silence bored into Lexa's lungs and she found it harder and harder to breathe. She knew Clarke wouldn't be so quick to forgive her radio silence from the past three days. 

Clarke folded her arms and said, "Yeah. Recently I've had a lot of extra time to paint. Would you know anything about that?" Seeing this side of Clarke made Lexa want to run away and avoid the inevitable smack down. 

She stayed put anyway. "Yes I do." she said, following Clarke to the next painting. She realized that she couldn't control this conversation at all. It was something that made her deeply uncomfortable since the minute she met the blonde. "I've been busy." she lied. She knew that Clarke knew she was lying. 

Immediately, Clarke turned on Lexa, making the brunette take a step back in shock. "You've been busy? Lexa we go to college. Every one is busy." Lexa's thighs hit the information table by the entrance, she didn't even realize she was walking backwards. Clarke's face came close to Lexa's and her heart raced. "If you didn't want to see me any more, you could have just told me like an adult." 

Lexa was unable to move her lips, unable to push the air out of her lungs to speak. She stared at Clarke in shock, feeling very uncomfortable.

The blonde moved away and shook her head. "Whatever Lexa. Thanks for coming." she said, walking away.

Without thinking, Lexa reached out and grabbed Clarke's wrist, holding her still. She felt air inflate her lungs and realized she could speak again. "Clarke, I do want to see you. It's just…" she paused and Clarke turned around to face her again. "It's just that you make me feel a lot of things that I'm trying to control but I just can't." the words came out before Lexa could control them, keep them inside where they were banging against her walls like a petulant child. 

Clarke softened and stepped forward, this time not intending to intimidate Lexa. 

"Clarke I…" she paused, trying to make herself stop admitting to all of her weaknesses. She failed, "I saw you at the bar the other night with Bellamy and I got so jealous." She was almost shaking. Almost. 

A hand found hers, Clarke's fingers wrapping around her own. "Lexa it's okay to feel jealous. You shouldn't be afraid of your own emotions." she said quietly. Lexa looked at the ground in shame. Her shame at how she acted that night at the bar, of her emotions, of her avoidance of the blonde, of how childish she had been acting. It all bounded through her making her eyes tear up slightly. 

"I've never felt this way before. Even when Costia cheated on me, I never felt this jealous." she confessed. Everything in her brain was telling her to stop telling Clarke these private thoughts. This time though, her heart finally felt like it could breathe and she wanted to indulge the pounding muscle. "Clarke I wanted to hurt Bellamy. I still want to. If he was here I would be unable to control myself." 

A light laughter wrenched her out of her confessions. She glared at Clarke who seemed to be taking all of this too lightly. The blonde sobered at the look and elaborated, "Bellamy probably has a crush on me, I know that." Her voice sounded cautious and she looked deeply into Lexa's eyes, wanting every word to sink in, "But he's nothing more than a brother to me. You have nothing to worry about Lexa. If I wanted to date him, I wouldn't be dating you right now." 

As the words hit her, Lexa relaxed muscles in her body she didn't even know were tense. She had known deep down that this was the case but hearing the words come from Clarke made her feel more safe and secure. 

"I can't promise that I won't still feel this way Clarke. Is that something you can live with?" Lexa asked, the question held more weight than she wanted it to. She knew she should apologize and let Clarke move on to someone better, someone who wouldn't have a melt down every time the blonde laughed in the presence of someone else. But still, she couldn't let Clarke go even if she wanted to. 

The girl in question squeezed both of Lexa's hands and said, "We can work together to make this work. I can live with the fact that you get jealous if you can work on your coping strategy." 

After Lexa let a long, relieved breath out, both girls smiled at each other. "Alright." she said, nodding her head. Then, with a glance to the girl's hands still holding hers she asked, "Will you come to my concert Friday night?" 

"I would love to, Lexa." Clarke beamed. She leaned in to give Lexa a peck on the cheek and giggled when Lexa turned her head to bring their lips together. They both smiled into the kiss and the brunette couldn't help but feel that something in her heart was clicking into place.

/

"What?" Clarke asked loudly, interrupting the conversation Lexa was having with the barista. It wasn't a conversation so much as it was her order, her usual order. 

Lexa looked at Clarke with wide eyes, unsure what the blonde was concerned about. "Is there a problem Clarke?" 

A red blush crept over the blonde's face and she looked down at the floor, "Nope." 

As she finished ordering their coffee, she heard Clarke snort with barely contained laughter. They walked to the other side of the counter and waited for the drinks. Wondering what the big joke was, Lexa inquired, "Is everything alright Clarke?" 

"Uh, yeah. But Lexa…" she paused, looking incredulously at the girl, "you ordered a double dirty something. I mean, are you ordering a coffee or a sex act?" She laughed at her own joke.

Rolling her eyes, Lexa sighed, "It's a chai latte with two shots of espresso, Clarke. It's a drink." Her attention went to the barista making the drink in question. If she continued to watch Clarke giggle and turn red, she would inevitably be in the same position. Someone had to be the responsible adult in this situation. 

"Oh come on. It's funny and you know it." a light slap on her bottom brought Lexa's wide eyes back to Clarke's face. Her mouth hung open as she watched Clarke laugh harder, feeling quite proud of herself. 

Their cups being set down in front of them brought both of their attentions back to their coffee. After thanking the barista with a big smile, Lexa brought them to her favorite table in the corner. 

"Do you always flirt with the people who work here?" Clarke questioned, quirking an eyebrow. 

Confused, Lexa asked, "What are you talking about? I wasn't flirting, Clarke." She took the lid off her coffee and sipped at the too hot coffee. 

Clarke leaned back in her seat, "Are you kidding? Smiling and being all polite? Lexa, I really like you but that's not usually how you act around other people." 

"I was being nice. These people probably have nightmare stories about lots of customers." she reasoned, shrugging her shoulder. Her eyes were captivated by Clarke's fingers, lighting twirling the stirring stick before bringing it up to her mouth. Clarke licked the stick clean and Lexa felt her stomach drop out from underneath her. 

The blonde, well aware of Lexa's attention to her lips, smiled and said, "You're so sweet Lexa. I find that really attractive." 

She hid her blush behind the double dirty chai. 

/

After the pre-concert warm up, Lexa and Anya sat together in a practice room to avoid the frantic musicians in the hallways. Anya took her seat at the piano and started playing.

Lexa let the relaxing melody wash over her, her thoughts eventually going back to blue eyes. She smiled, chuckling lightly at the giddy feeling the girl always stirred inside. They'd spent the better part of yesterday and today making out in various places around campus. It really wasn't like Lexa to pull Clarke into an empty classroom to hold her tight, but lately the brunette found herself doing many things she didn't expect. 

The piano stopped and Lexa looked up at her roommate, now staring at her. "So when's the wedding?" she said, smirking.

Mouth gaping and cheeks turning red rapidly, Lexa tried to defend herself, "That's not- it- I mean…" Her stuttering ceased at the sound of her friend laughing. 

Her blush only deepened as the object of her embarrassment walked through the door, looking confused. 

"Clarke!" Lexa squeaked, completely unable to control her climbing heart rate. 

"Hey guys, what's up? I thought I'd find you before the concert and wish you good luck." she smiled brightly at them and even Anya looked captivated. 

Clearing her throat, Lexa managed a small, "Thanks Clarke."

The blonde chuckled, bending down to kiss Lexa's forehead before turning and leaving. 

"Oh my god Lexa, you're totally in love. You can't even speak around her!" Anya teased. 

Lexa thought her friend was lucky indeed because just as she was about to smack her, a violinist came in and told them they were going on stage. 

/

Scheherazade was the tale of a woman, doomed for immanent death. 

The king, Shahryar, once betrayed by his first wife, vowed to take a new wife every day, beheading the previous one to prevent such a betrayal again. 

Knowing of her fate, the daughter of a wealthy man volunteered to wed the king. Just as night fell, she requested to bid farewell to her sister. The king allowed Scheherazade's sister into the castle and listened in awe as his new wife told a tale the likes of which he'd never heard before. Just as the story reached it's climax, Scheherazade stopped, claiming to be too tired to finish. 

Completely obsessed with hearing the story's end, the king spared her life the next day. He spared her for 1,000 stories over 1,001 nights, each was paused just before sleeping and ended the next night before another began.

After telling her sister and the king all the stories she knew, Scheherazade confessed she didn't know any more. By this time, he had fallen in love with her, making her his queen. 

In Rimsky-Korsakov's rendition of Scheherazade, the tales are brought to life through the famous violin solos, bold brass chords, soft woodwind passages, furious string runs, and bellowing timpani rolls. 

Each member of the orchestra had chills from the first chord of the brass section. Lexa felt powerful. Her hands grasped the mallets, eyes locked onto Jaha, waiting for her cues. 

Scheherazade felt alive, pulsing through all the musicians. They performed together for a common goal; bring her life force to the audience. 

By the end of the piece, Lexa almost had tears in her eyes from the powerful emotions racing through her. She had done it, she became the first music minor to play timpani at an orchestra concert and she had executed flawlessly. And her girlfriend was there to witness it all.

/

That night, Clarke told Lexa that she would never forget the look on her face when she performed. 

Lexa told Clarke that she would never forget meeting her lips afterwards and feeling like she was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual, all comments, questions, and flattery are accepted. 
> 
> HMU on my personal tumblr: barisaxilesbians.tumblr.com


	4. Healing is Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty angst heavy. Don't worry, I tried to patch up the wound somewhat by the end.
> 
> Jamie xx - Sleep Sound
> 
> Lexa gets into a fight. Anya comforts her best friend. Clarke begins to understand.

It took Lexa 40 minutes into the party to feel the familiar spinning sensation of drinking too much caffeine and alcohol at the same time. She laughed at the sensation, taking Clarke's hand to pull her into the mass of dancing students. Usually she didn't dance but the blonde girl in her arms made her want to do a lot of things she previously told herself she didn't deserve to do. 

Blue eyes filled with mirth and somehow Lexa knew what Clarke was planning to do next. She watched as the beautiful woman in front of her turned, facing her back to Lexa before taking the brunette's hands and wrapping them around her waist. 

Lexa had to restrain herself from touching Clarke the way she really wanted to, rolling her eyes back and biting both her lips into her mouth. Clarke must have known what she was doing to Lexa because she pushed her ass further into Lexa's pelvis. 

A small moan escaped her lips and Lexa closed her eyes, trying to imagine her terrifying third grade teacher, the Salvation Army Santas that always rang their bells too close to her ears, her fingers knuckle deep in- 

A bigger moan escaped her lips this time and her hands gripped tightly onto Clarke's hips. With a devilish smirk, the girl in question turned back around to face Lexa and smiled widely at the sight of the red faced girl, panting through slightly parted lips. 

"Is there something wrong darling?" she asked smugly, one eyebrow quirked. 

Lexa pulled Clarke into her by the hips and kissed the girl deeply, feeling the soft, relaxed muscles beneath hers. It wasn't enough and she parted her lips slightly, nipping at the blonde's bottom lip. It was Clarke's turn to moan and Lexa's tongue invaded the now inviting mouth, alternating between caressing and flicking Clarke's tongue. 

As the blonde squeezed Lexa's sides, pulling their bodies closer, they parted for a moment. Lexa bit her lip, trying to decide her next course of action. They did decide to wait before having sex again, and they were both closer to drunk than sober, but she wanted more contact, more friction, more anything from the bombshell that was now gripping Lexa's ass. 

Lexa didn't have time to make a decision, a loud banging from the entrance of the house followed by shouting jerked the two out of their moment. 

Clarke was already at the scene by the time Lexa started to head over. Her pace quickened when she heard the blonde start shouting as well. 

Jay, the timpani player who Lexa was sure had dropped out and moved away by now, was standing by the open coat closet, gripping a slightly puffy leather jacket. It was the leather jacket that Anya left here at the last party. 

"Where the fuck is my shit? You have no idea what they fucking did to me!" he was screaming now, veins bulging from his forehead to his knuckles. Lexa had to do something. 

"Jay, let's take this outside." she said, stepping closer slowly. Lexa didn't know what she was going to do, but she knew she couldn't let this man hurt Clarke. 

Wild eyes met hers and she saw his jaw tighten before saying, "You! You fucking bitch, you think you can just take someone else's shit and get away with it?" Jay's arms were now tensing, ready to strike. 

A crowd of people formed just as the music stopped. This was going to turn ugly, everyone felt it.

"Lexa didn't take anything dude, get the fuck out of my house." Clarke yelled, drawing his attention back to her. 

Almost in slow motion, Lexa saw Jay's arm pull behind his body, fist clenching. Before he could land the blow to Clarke's jaw, Lexa threw herself between them. The blow knocked into the side of her skull and she fell to the ground. 

At that point, Lexa could only catch parts of what happened next. Blaring pain shooting from her ear, a new sharp pain in her arm, a sick cracking noise, Clarke screaming, and the smell of pepper spray. Lexa slipped into unconsciousness. 

/

"Raven help me get her into the car." she heard Clarke saying urgently through the high pitched ringing in her head. 

What she wanted to call out was, "What happened?" but all that came out was a long groan when she realized how much pain she was in. Clarke and Raven picked her up swiftly. 

It was a long ride to the hospital and Lexa was becoming more and more aware of her surroundings. "Is everyone else okay?" she asked, trying to get a hold on the situation. 

Raven chuckled lightly from the passengers seat as she turned to face Lexa, who was laying down across the whole back seat, arm clutched to her chest. "Everyone but Jay, yeah. After he…" she trailed off and nodded towards Lexa's cradled arm, "you know, uh, broke your arm, I pepper sprayed that twat. I wish you'd seen it, he was crying like a baby." 

Worried blue eyes caught her own through the rear view mirror and Clarke asked, "Are you in a lot of pain Lexa?" 

A surge of guilt raced through her and she looked away in shame. The only reason Jay thought they stole his drugs was because she and Anya brought them to that party. If they hadn't thought so lightly of the situation, Clarke and her friends wouldn't have had to deal with him at all. Clarke wouldn't be driving her to the ER at 1am and Raven wouldn't have had to use her pepper spray in the house- something that no doubt a few other people caught in their eyes. 

Clarke probably mistook Lexa's silence as a confirmation of pain and pressed on the acceleration, speeding through the city streets trying to get there faster. 

It took about an hour and a half of waiting silently between Clarke and Raven for the doctor to see her. She was grateful for the change in scenery because she didn't think she could handle the guilt slamming in her head along with her pounding head ache. 

One temporary cast and four prescriptions later, Lexa was back in the car with the two girls. "Thanks for taking me, I'm sorry I ruined your night." she said, starting to feel the effects of the medicine the doctor gave her on site. 

"It wasn't your fault Lexa, that guy was clearly on something." Clarke said, sounding very frustrated. Lexa couldn't blame her. 

It was now or never, and now seemed the best option with the drugs coursing through her veins, numbing her to what was about to happen. "No, it was my fault. I stole his drugs." she said, intentionally leaving Anya's name out of this story. There was no reason for her best friend to get dragged into this mess, even if it was initially her idea. 

A raging silence pounded through the car and though Lexa's eyes were averted, she could tell Clarke and Raven's mouths were open in shock. 

"Lexa you what?" now shouting, the blonde's head whipped between staring at the girl in her back seat and the road in front of her. "Oh my god, what the fuck Lexa? You couldn't have told me earlier? You knew his jacket was in my house this whole time and didn't fucking tell me about it?" 

It was the reaction Lexa expected, but that didn't make this any easier. A ball of pain caught in her throat and her eyes watered. This would probably be the end of their relationship. She screwed it up, just like she screwed everything else up. 

"That's seriously not cool." Raven mumbled, looking out the window. This must have been awkward for her, being forced to sit in the car with the two girls melting down and exploding. 

Trying to swallow the pain down enough to speak, Lexa continued, "I didn't know the jacket was in your house, I thought someone else must have taken it that night. Clarke if I had known…" Her throat constricted, not allowing her to explain herself further. She thought maybe it was for the best, that Clarke deserved to feel angry and betrayed without Lexa selfishly trying to make it all go away. 

"So what, are you a dealer? Is this part of some fucking drug war?" Clarke asked, her tone bitter. 

All she could do was shake her head and whisper, "No, I'm not a dealer." She needed Clarke to continue the verbal lashing, Lexa deserved it. 

"Oh, great, so you're just a junkie. I can't even believe this is happening." the blonde hair Lexa loved to watch was now bouncing side to side as Clarke shook her head in disbelief. 

Sighing, Clarke pulled up to Lexa's dorm. The brunette endured a couple of seconds in silence, waiting for Clarke to say anything more. She was somehow more upset that the girl kept her silence, her eyes hard focused on the road, her jaw tensing, not willing herself to acknowledge Lexa. 

Breath shuddering, Lexa whispered, "I'm sorry." before exiting the car. She didn't look back when she heard the tires squealing, propelling the car away from her as fast as they could. 

/

Anya held Lexa in her arms until the sobbing stopped, replaced by sleepy whimpers as the brunette drifted into a fitful sleep. 

/

Lexa woke to muffled voices on the other side of the door. It sounded like Anya and someone else were arguing. Her head pounded and she rolled over, pulling Miss. Toebeans closer with her one good arm. 

The voices stopped arguing and the door opened, the light from the hallway flooding into the dark room. "Lexa?" her roommate prodded, seeing if the girl was awake. 

She was only met by Lexa's shoulders shaking slightly and a small whimper. Anya rushed into bed to pull her body close behind her friend, holding her as she shook. 

"I really fucked it up, didn't I?" she whispered, clutching Anya's hand in her own. 

Her best friend sighed and propped herself up slightly. "I think that's up to Clarke. Raven was just here, she chewed me out quite a bit because I ended up telling her it was actually all my fault. Before you try to tell me to take it back, it was my fault Lexa, I deserve the cold shoulder." 

"I'm sorry Anya, I thought it would be better if they thought it was just me. I can't let you take the full blame though." Lexa said, turning to face her friend, Miss. Toebeans still clutched in her hand. She thought for a minute before presenting the small stuffed animal to Anya, "Here."

They giggled lightly and for the hundredth time that night, they felt grateful to have each other. 

/

Sipping her usual order, Lexa left the café heading to her marketing class. She still felt like crawling into a hole and dying, but unfortunately college didn't care how she felt. 

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, 'We need to talk' from Clarke. She froze. Setting down her coffee she clumsily typed with her left hand, 'When?'. Her breath was coming short and she still didn't want to see Clarke, to face what she did. But if the blonde needed to give Lexa another verbal lashing, Lexa would give her what she needed. Lexa would bear the brunt of Clarke's anger if that was what she needed. 'Now.' She turned and started walking to the girl's house. 

/

Coming up to the house she left only three nights ago, broken and dazed, Lexa wished she could go back in time and change something. Tell Clarke sooner, protect her better, maybe take a look in their coat closet and realize the jacket was still there.

The blonde in question was sitting on the steps to the porch, scrolling absent mindedly through her phone. It was too cold out to be comfortable and for an instant, Lexa wanted to offer her coat to the girl. She bit the urge back and settled for silence. 

"How's your arm?" she asked, not looking up from her phone. 

Lexa pursed her lips at the cold interaction. "It's broken. What about you?" 

"No drug dealers have threatened me since you left so I guess things are looking up." this time blue eyes bored into Lexa's green. 

The brunette shifted uncomfortably, wanting to run far away from this interaction. She didn't want it to be like this. If most of her memories of Clarke were good, that was how she could remember them. But this bitter aggressive tone they took, that tainted her precious memories. 

Clarke sighed, "Lexa…" She stopped to swallow thickly before continuing. "I have to know if you're a part of that world. Were you using while we were…?" the question trailed off into the distance. Lexa wished she could follow it, floating steadily away from the porch.

"No Clarke." the words were coming out before she could stop them, something she never had problems with before, "I haven't used anything since we met. That night I was on something but nothing else since then. I'm not a drug dealer and I'm not a junkie." Well, not anymore. Not since high school.

Blonde hair shook back and forth as Clarke shook her head, "I want to believe that. But Lexa, you brought someone who stole drugs into my home. What if some freshman picked up the jacket and found something still inside and OD'd? What if the cops were called and they found it there?" Thin pale hands were waving in the air, accentuating words here and there. 

Lexa tried to get harder and harder inside, trying to stop the pain before she broke. "No one, aside from me got hurt because of this mistake." she frowned at her own clipped tone.

"Wow." the silence that followed the single word seemed to push the two girls further apart. "Maybe it's really cool for you to go out and party with hard drugs Lexa, but I've actually been hurt by that scene. I've lost someone to seedy drug deals in back alleys and gang members with happy trigger fingers."

Bristling, Lexa defended, "You do not know what you're talking about Clarke. Don't think that kind of pain is yours alone." She turned to walk away.

"Wait, Lexa what the hell are you talking about?" Clarke said, now standing, hand gripping Lexa's shoulder. 

The brunette sighed and let her head sink to her chest. "If we're gonna have this conversation, I need alcohol." It was 11 in the morning but this story was impossible to tell while sober. 

They sat on a couch in the living room with beers in hand, facing each other. 

With a deep breath, Lexa began, "In high school I was in a really bad place. I did a lot of things I regret now." She expected it to be painful, and it was. What she didn't expect was for it to be so cathartic. 

"My friend and I did a lot of stupid stuff together, mostly all illegal." She inhaled deeply, feeling slightly insecure. "We were at a party at a friend's house that we trusted. She brought something that she had been taking for a while and told me I should take it with her. Since it was my first time, I took a small amount but I think she was trying to show off and took too much." Lexa sniffed and realized she let a tear escape. She wiped away the tear, looking at the floor. "I shouldn't have let her take so much but once the drug hit me, I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything but watch her overdose." 

Lexa felt Clarke's hands caress her arms comfortingly and Lexa leaned into the touch. Her forehead rested against the blonde's shoulder. "Thankfully someone else came and got her to the hospital but she's not the same. She can't feed herself, can't keep up with most conversations, forgets who I am." She let Clarke hold her and tried to hold back the sobs that were threatening to come out. 

"I'm so sorry Lexa. I didn't know." Clarke's voice whispers into Lexa's ear. She let Lexa sit up and added, "I don't get it though, if you know someone like that, why aren't you clean?" 

Shaking her head, Lexa sighed, "I know I shouldn't and I know it doesn't make sense but it makes me feel closer to her, like before…" It was stupid and she knew it, but it was honest and that was more than she had told anyone. 

A hand on her cheek brought her eyes to meet the blue pools in front of her. "When I lost my friend, Wells, I wanted to know everything about what he'd been doing to get himself in that position." Lexa's eyebrows furrowed, trying to imagine the innocent girl in front of her doing anything less than acceptable. 

"So, the summer before I came here, I followed one of his friends around the city, thinking that Wells would be doing something similar. It didn't take long for other people in the gang to figure out I was following one of their members." a light chuckle left her lips. "I mean, can you imagine a little white girl following some gang member through the city? I guess I didn't think it through.

"Well when they confronted me about it, they took all my money and my cell phone. All I could think of was that they were still doing what they were doing even after Wells died. How could they just move on like that? He was supposed to be their family. Thankfully I didn't get hurt, but I know it was incredibly stupid."

It was Lexa's turn to comfort Clarke. She wiped the tears from the girl's cheeks and let her hands fall to Clarke's sides, holding her firmly. "I understand." it was barely a whisper but Clarke sighed in response. 

They leaned closer and let their foreheads connect, propping each other up. 

Clarke was the first to move, she leaned back on the couch, making room for Lexa to lay next to her. Taking the hint, Lexa took the little spoon position and let the girl hold her from behind. 

/

At 3pm Raven walked into the house and spotted the two on the couch, asleep. She wondered if she could forgive Anya as fast as Clarke forgave Lexa. 

Sighing, she took out her phone. 'Can we talk?' the message was sent before she could think too hard about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the heaviest chapter by far so please stick it out. I promise there will be more smut soon.


	5. Dance Parties Require at Least Two People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phantogram- Fall in Love
> 
> Lexa worries a lot, Anya avoids Raven, and Clarke is grateful that Lexa rolled her eyes too many times.
> 
> (If there are any mistakes or plotholes or anything please let me know!) 
> 
> Some silliness, some character dev., some smut.

Thumbs poised over her phone, Lexa squinted at the screen. Though yesterday, she and Clarke had a heart to heart and ended up cuddling on the couch, there had been no other correspondence between the two. 

If Anya had asked Lexa why she was standing in their doorway staring at her phone and not moving, Lexa would have to say that she was trying to text Clarke but that she didn't know if the girl was still angry with her and that she was too afraid to prod the girl.

Alas, Anya did not ask. 

"Lexa are your feet alright?" she asked from her position in bed. Her laptop was balanced on one knee while the other was balancing a textbook. 

Shaking herself out of her fog, Lexa furrowed her eyebrows at her roommate. "Uh, yes?" she replied, thumbs still frozen. 

Her friend quirked her eyebrow. "Then why the hell are you acting like a statue in our doorway? I don't want any of those plebs thinking they can come in and speak to us." 

Sighing, Lexa shoved her phone into her pocket and closed the door behind her. "You know, that's actually offensive. Don't let the RA hear you calling our floormates that." It wasn't like she cared, but the conversation (more like argument) was a welcome distraction from the blank message staring back at her. 

"Also, aren't you supposed to be keeping that arm rested? I don't think texting will help your arm heal." Anya added, shutting the book on her knee, deciding she was done studying. 

"Whatever. It's not like my hand's broken." Lexa shrugged the subject quickly and turned, kicking her shoes off.

Anya un-muted the music she was listening to, filling the room with Radiohead. 

Pausing in her effort to pull on a more comfy shirt, Lexa sighed again. "Anya, I'm already feeling like shit. Will you please change it to something else?" Lexa complained. Now changed into her usual uniform- a tank top and leggings. She didn't have the will to put on much else today and certainly didn't have to impress anyone. 

Quickly, Anya switched over to a playlist she and Lexa knew well by now. The music started, and both bobbed their heads to the beat. 

About three songs into the list and Anya got what she wanted. Lexa was dancing by her bed, putting her books back on her desk. 

The music got louder and Anya hopped off her bed to accompany her friend. They danced together, jumping and smiling for the rest of the playlist and wound up falling onto Lexa's bed laughing together. It was an unspoken rule that dance parties in their room required participation by both parties. 

This was something Anya pulled out for special occasions such as today. 

/

Later that night, Lexa was enveloped in a new composition. Though she wasn't the best composer in the program, she knew quite a bit about writing for percussion and putting parts together. 

She furiously switched between tapping and typing as if she would forget the idea she just had. 

Her thoughts of Clarke were plentiful and confusing, but as she wrote, she found herself thinking more and more clearly. As she sorted the rhythms and melodies in her head, she sorted her thoughts about herself and who she really was. 

She knew at some point she would have to confront her shitty past and decide if she should continue on her path or change direction. Could she change at all? 

Lexa remembered the night she saw Bellamy sitting close to Clarke and felt embarrassed that she had gotten so jealous so easily. She knew many people wanted to be intimate with the blonde but she also knew she couldn't let that happen. 

Clarke made her feel like she could be something more than a shell who only felt awake when she was high.

For once in her life, she felt selfish. She could admit to herself that she wanted Clarke to herself.

Did she love her though? 

She had no idea. It was so early in their relationship but she already knew she needed the girl and that she wanted to treat her like she should be treated. She wanted to give Clarke the best version of herself. 

It was with that thought that Lexa finally felt like she had a goal and direction for herself. She would do whatever it took to make herself better so that she wouldn't hurt Clarke. 

If she had to stop using, she would. If she had to forgive herself for her past, she would. If she had to admit to her feelings, she would. 

Lexa looked down at her manuscript paper and smiled as she continued to jot down the rhythms and melodies coming from her heart. 

/

It was a two and a half hour drive and the weather wasn't doing her any favors. Her stomach twisted and she pulled out her third cigarette of the drive and brought it between her lips before lighting it. 

Smoke billowed out of the window she had cracked open. Rain pelted her through the crack but she didn't pay much attention to it. She didn't usually smoke anymore but something had to give before she freaked out. 

Her heart raced as she pulled up to the large building for the first time in two years. Last time she was here, she had been chased out by Echo's brother. 

One deep breath later, Lexa left the safety of her car and entered her nightmare. 

The girl at the front desk looked surprised to see anyone. She was new and had a bright smile that would soon be dulled working here. She had to ask someone else to direct Lexa to the room she wanted and Lexa was grateful to let the surly nurse guide her through the depressing building. The smell of oatmeal and urine permeated the halls and struck Lexa deeply, making her feel extremely guilty for sentencing her friend here alone. 

It seemed like the nurse sensed Lexa's unease and left her at the hallway entrance, giving her the room number briefly before disappearing back to the front desk. . 

She neared the small frame of the girl tucked in between the sheets and she imagined ripping the sheets off only to find herself laying in the bed. The thought brought her real concern to the surface. 

It could have easily been her in that bed. 

"Did I fall asleep?" the voice sounded weak and confused but Lexa would recognize Echo's voice anywhere. 

She sat next to the bed and smiled at the girl. "For a little while." she replied. "Do you remember me?" she asked cautiously, not entirely wanting to know the answer. 

Echo smiled and gazed at Lexa. "I think I know you." 

Tears pricked at her eyes and Lexa felt like this might be the first step to forgiving herself. She talked to Echo until the visiting hours were over and the surly nurse asked her to leave. Echo smiled and waved clumsily when she said she had to go. It was progress. 

/

"So did you do it?" Lexa asked, kicking her shoes off her feet. 

Anya sighed and nodded from her slumped position at her desk. 

Before Lexa left for the hospice, she asked Anya to talk to Raven. 

The fiery girl had her number and wouldn't stop texting her asking if Anya was okay and if she had lost her phone. 

Leggings and tee shirt pulled on, Lexa looked at her roommate expectantly. "And?" 

The other girl dramatically rolled her eyes. "And…" she paused, "I convinced her to give me a second- uh, third chance." 

"That's great Anya." Lexa smiled at her friend. It wasn't every day Anya chose the more complicated route, even if it was the better one. 

"No, it's not Lexa." the girl turned to face Lexa fully, watching the girl wrap herself in the blankets on her bed. "This means I have to make it up to her. I have no idea how to apologize. Or how to redeem myself." 

Lexa chuckled lightly, "You have to figure that out for yourself. Better make it good." It wasn't helpful but it was all Lexa could offer. She didn't quite know how to do the same with Clarke. 

Anya sighed and sat on Lexa's feet, a small punishment for her unhelpful advice. "This is why you're my only friend. I fuck up and you don't expect me to be any better. You accept that I'm a piece of shit and still love me anyway." 

Big brown eyes met Lexa's and the girl had to admit she felt bad for her friend. "You're the only good thing in my life!" Anya shouted, flinging herself on top of Lexa. The tone was joking but Lexa knew her friend kind of meant it.

"Get off me." she laughed, tickling her friend until the girl leapt off her bed. 

/

This finance professor was Lexa's nightmare. He wore his slacks up to his chest. Ill-fitting slacks that had mysterious stains by the crotch. His sweater vest clashed nauseatingly with the undershirt that was two sizes too small. 

His worst offense- he had told Lexa to put away her laptop in the first class of the semester. She hated him ever since. With her intense note taking and percussion, her hands and wrists needed any kind of break they could get. 

With her broken arm though, Lexa gained the right to take notes on her laptop. She had been sitting in the front row smugly typing away for the past week. 

Maybe it was the pain meds. Maybe it was her relief at having faced one of her fears. Maybe it was her desire to be anywhere but face to face with mysterious crotch stains. 

She snorted at something stupid, racist, and historically inaccurate that the professor said. When he asked if something was funny, she rolled her eyes and said, "Of course not." He asked to speak to her in the hallway and she followed, huffing audibly. 

He asked if they had a problem. She snorted again, "Can I go back to class?" 

His face became a shade of red that managed somehow to clash with both his shirt and his sweater vest. She couldn't help it. She laughed at him.

That's how she ended up in her usual café two hours ahead of schedule, typing up a severe letter to the head of the business department. 

That's also how a certain blonde ran into her. 

"Hey." she said, fearfully eyeing the blonde. It was too easy going. She should have said something more like, 'Hello Clarke. You look wonderful today.' or, 'Good afternoon Clarke. I hope you don't still hate me. Also I'm feeling really sexually frustrated and you look really fucking hot right now.'

Clarke's voice snapped her out of her daze. "Hey. How's your arm?" she asked politely. It was too formal for Lexa's liking. They were skirting around the issues they wanted to talk about.

"It's broken. Please sit down." she gestured with her good arm to the seat beside her. Thankfully Clarke sat there and turned slightly to face her better. Lexa's mouth went slightly dry. The girl looked perfect. Her hair fell around her face, lightly bumping into her full cheeks as she moved. One strand stuck to her lip gloss and without thinking, Lexa reached up and moved it behind Clarke's ear. 

The blonde's cheeks reddened as she looked Lexa up and down. They held their gaze even though both felt slightly embarrassed by their physical reactions. 

"Clarke." Lexa started, her eyes darting to the full pink lips now being drawn between pearly white teeth. Her heart raced. "I've missed you."

The admission must have hit Clarke's walls like a sledge hammer because she could see the blonde deflate slightly before admitting, "I've missed you too Lexa."

They looked shyly at one another, both feeling slightly ashamed of building unnecessary and awkward walls between themselves. 

Nodding her head to Lexa's computer, Clarke asked, "What are you doing? Don't you usually have finance now?" Clarke was usually the one who regained composure first and only proved herself again and again.

The brunette chuckled lightly, glancing away. "Umm, yes. I sort of got kicked out of class today."

"Lexa!" the blonde chided, her eyebrows furrowing. 

Lexa sighed, "It wasn't even my fault. The dude is so disgusting and he was being blatantly racist in class. I didn't even call him out on it, I just rolled my eyes once or twice. It's not my fault he has something against me." She folded her arms in front of her chest defensively. 

Clarke laughed at the entirely too characteristic image of Lexa rolling her eyes at a professor and bumped her shoulder on Lexa's, trying to show that she wasn't actually mad or disappointed. 

Lexa's face turned slightly red and she let her hands fall to the table in front of her, smiling slightly. "Can we talk somewhere private?" she asked without considering whether or not it was a good call to do so. She silently cursed her heart, it never acted normally around Clarke. 

She was surprised when Clarke nodded and lead the way to her house. 

/

Spilling her heart out about Echo to Clarke came much more easy than she thought it would. She told Clarke about her realization that the person laying in that bed unaware of their surroundings could have just as easily been her. 

She told Clarke about her need to change something before it did happen to her.

She told Clarke that she wanted to be a better person. 

The blonde only nodded and rubbed encouraging circles on Lexa's knee. The girl was doing a wonderful job of comforting Lexa. She even got up to get Lexa a glass of water before she knew she wanted one. 

When Clarke came back with the water, Lexa took a deep breath. She had already spilled her darkest thoughts about Echo, she might as well rip the whole bandage off and confess her probably one sided feelings. 

There was almost no way Clarke would still look at Lexa romantically. They could still be friends even if Lexa ruined everything. But it was now or never. "Clarke." she began, swallowing her nervousness. 

"Lexa wait. I have something to tell you." the blonde interrupted, shifting in her seat. "We haven't known each other for very long, but a lot of stuff has happened between us."

Lexa's brain felt like it was on fire. Her heart dropped into her stomach. This was the moment she was afraid of. Clarke would tell her that she was too much trouble and that she couldn't stand being around her. She would cut her loose before Lexa could even speak her true feelings.

She got up and faced away from Clarke, hiding her disappointed face. "True." she said, trying to make this easier and quicker. 

The blonde's next words froze Lexa completely. "I really like you Lexa. I want you to be my girlfriend." Seeing Lexa's hesitation she added, "I mean, we can really only go up from here."

Excitement and relief washed through Lexa's veins as she turned and pulled Clarke up into an embrace. She began to kiss the blonde's neck before taking an earlobe into her mouth, biting down lightly. 

Clarke chuckled and pushed out of her embrace, "Does than mean you want to be my girlfriend?" The only response she got was an urgent kiss, lips crashing down onto hers. 

The kiss went from urgent to hungry. They gripped at each other, each needing to be closer. Now that their walls and turbulent emotions were taken care of, all that was left was the primal need to share their connection and adoration for each other. 

Clarke trailed her lips down Lexa's throat, nipping along the way before finding the spot she wanted and biting down hard before soothing the mark with her tongue. 

Lexa grunted before pulling Clarke on top of her on the couch. When the blonde's knee pushed between her thighs, Lexa let a needy moan escape her lips. She wanted Clarke to cleanse her body with pure kisses and touches. She wanted Clarke to push the darkness out of her body and make her clean again. She wanted Clarke. 

Her body arched, wanting more contact with the girl above her. Clarke huffed and gripped Lexa's sides tightly. "Lexa, tell me what you want." 

Mouth open and panting, Lexa tried to speak but could only moan as the blonde pushed into Lexa's center. The brunette canted her hips onto Clarke's thigh, sighing at the welcome friction. She grunted in frustration and glared at Clarke when the girl moved her thigh away. 

Clarke brought her mouth back to Lexa's neck and nipped lightly up to her ear. "Tell me." she whispered. 

Lexa tried to make her brain form words. "Clarke." breathed, feeling the girl's tongue doing things to her neck and collar bones that she couldn't fully comprehend. With a particularly hard bite to her collar bone, Lexa's brain finally supplied the words she was looking for. "I want you inside of me Clarke. Please." she gasped, hips wildly canting, trying to find any kind of friction.

Hands unbuttoning her pants and pushing them down moved at lightening speed. Her heart raced in anticipation as she felt the cool air hit her center. The only indication she had that Clarke had also taken her clothes off was the warm wet feeling on her thigh as Clarke straddled it. 

The blonde began to grind into her, spreading Lexa's own wetness all over her thigh. They both bucked into each other and Clarke lifted Lexa's shirt to turn her oral assault to the dark nipples waiting for her. 

Tongue flicking rapidly and teeth nipping slightly distracted Lexa enough to not register Clarke's movement, repositioning herself between Lexa's legs, drawing them up and around her waist. 

A warm hand cupping her, the palm grinding against her clit brought her out of her daze and looked into Clarke's eyes as the girl clamped down and sucked hard on Lexa's left nipple. 

The blonde's usually bright blue eyes were almost completely black now, drawing the brunette below her into a trance. Fingertips grazed her entrance and Lexa moaned loudly, eyes slamming shut. "Shit!" she cursed as she gripped tightly onto Clarke's shoulders, her hips pushing down onto the fingers that wouldn't stop teasing her.

She ached for Clarke to fill her up and cleanse her from the inside out. 

Finally after several long moments of teasing, the nimble fingers dipped slowly into her center. Lexa couldn't fill her lungs fast enough, the action leaving her gasping and grinding down onto Clarke's fingers. 

The blonde above her moaned and cursed breathily as Lexa writhed under her. Lexa could feel Clarke's fingers slowly pull out before rocking back and forth in a slow and steady pace. 

Their eyes met and Lexa knew that this was better than some basement party fuck. Of course that was wonderful too but having the fingers inside her attached to the girl she admired and cared for deeply only enhanced the experience. 

Propping herself up with her one good arm, Lexa took her into a long, passionate kiss as the girl continued to slowly rock in and out of her. When they broke for air, Lexa still held close, feeling pressure building in between her thighs. 

"Clarke." she managed to huff out, rocking herself onto Clarke's fingers, drawing them even deeper than before. She hit a deep spot and Lexa moaned loudly, moving even harder now, wanting to hit the same spot again and again.

Clarke looked deep into Lexa's eyes, watching the girl unfurl in her lap. She pulled Lexa further onto her lap, shifting their balance slightly and sped her motions. 

It was all Lexa could do to keep her pace instead of wildly grinding down onto Clarke's fingers. But as each stroke pushed into her, she found herself incapable of controlling neither the pace nor her own reactions. She was completely taken by the blonde.

Lexa could feel her walls pulsing and gripping Clarke's fingers faster and more wild now. Her orgasm was building slowly and as it took her over, she let herself feel everything she was ashamed to feel. Her adoration for Clarke, her hope for a better future, her longing to claw herself out of the emotional hole she'd been in for years. 

It all overwhelmed Lexa as she came, clutching onto Clarke's shoulders. She didn't even realize she was tearing up until Clarke reached up to wipe away a stray tear. 

Wanting to ease the confusion on the girl's face, Lexa drew Clarke into a soft and long kiss. She whined when Clarke eased her back down onto her back, situating herself between Lexa's legs and laying on top of the girl. 

Unable to speak yet, Lexa could only gently squeeze Clarke's arms. She felt the girl on top of her take a large breath.

"Are you alright?" she asked, still unsure why Lexa ended up crying after her orgasm. 

The brunette nodded, smiling, and tried to find her voice. After a second of silence, she cleared her throat before explaining, "I'm more than alright Clarke." Lexa decided to just let the words flow uncensored, "I've just never felt that way before. Like I was completely safe and able to just let go. Sorry if I worried you."

Clarke's face broke into a beaming grin. "Only for a second. But you looked pretty happy so I just went with it." 

Chuckling was difficult with Clarke's weight on top of her but Lexa felt incredibly content. "I'm very happy with you Clarke." she admitted, cheeks reddening. 

/

That night, Lexa slept soundly curled into Clarke while the blonde sketched. It was the best sleep she'd gotten in a very long time.


	6. Begin The Apology Tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another party begins the apology tour after three weeks of down time.
> 
> Melanie Martinez- Pacify Her
> 
> More smut.

"Dude this is not going to work." Anya complained, throwing herself onto her bed.

If Lexa was the type of person to speak her mind, she would tell her friend to suck it up and go through with it or else she would be letting go of the best chance she had at a good relationship. It had been a three weeks since Anya and Raven started talking again and it seemed like the two were fast friends. 

It had also been three weeks since Clarke and Lexa became official. The biggest signifier of the time that had passed was the removal of the brunette's cast. Her arm had healed much faster than they thought it would and she was finally free of the giant reminder of her mistake.

Clarke was somewhere closer to forgiving Lexa as they tried to move past the explosive party event with Jay. She already knew what she wanted to do to make it up to her girlfriend. 

Now she had to help Anya do the same with Raven. 

"Well if she didn't want this to happen too, then she wouldn't have started talking to you again. Think about it Anya." Lexa said slowly. She pulled on a plain black long sleeved tunic over her black leggings. She checked her phone and saw Clarke's text that Raven was in fact, at the house now.

"Is that Clarke? Is Raven there already? I feel like I'm gonna vom." Anya looked more wild than she should while sober. It didn't help that her hair was teased and she had face paint on.

Lexa bounced on her feet, her friend's anxiety only fueling her own as well. She was the one doing her friend a solid tonight, and it was a very big solid. "Yeah come on let's go. We have to set up." she said, already heading out the door before Anya could protest or threaten vomiting any more. 

/

Tonight was unseasonably warm and Lexa was very grateful for it as she stood in the not too crisp night air, waiting for Anya to stop running around. 

"Alright are you ready?" Anya asked Lexa for the hundredth time since they arrived at the house. 

"Yes. Just crack the stupid glow-sticks, let's get this started." Lexa replied, already feeling on edge. These kinds of events always made her nervous. She was used to being in the back of the stage when she performed, never up close and personal with the crowd. 

Anya cracked the glow-sticks and nodded to Lexa to start it up.

With the flick of a switch, the track started and Lexa was already at work, pressing buttons and turning switches while listening to the upcoming track on her headphones. 

She looked up to see Raven and Clarke standing on the upper floor balcony looking down at the scene in their backyard. Clarke's face was so bright and her grin was so wide that Lexa almost let her hand slip on the volume control. 

Raven looked like she was trying to contain her smile as she looked down and read the sign Anya made.

Illuminated by glow-sticks, a sign that spanned the entire lot behind the house read, "I'm a giant ass. Please forgive me." 

Lexa snorted when she remembered Anya asking her what she should put on the sign. The stoic brunette had just told her to write the truth. That's exactly what Anya did. 

With a careful hand, Lexa lowered the volume on the track, letting Anya have her moment. 

"Raven! I've made some bad choices, but you were never one of them! In fact, uh, you're kind of my best choice! If you would forgive me, maybe we can find out if this would work!" she shouted up to the second story balcony. 

The girl on the balcony let an uncomfortable silence fall as she took in the scene. She let Anya shuffle before grinning and calling down, "Fucking finally you asshole!" before disappearing into the house. 

Clarke caught Lexa's eyes and gave her a thumbs up before following her friend into the house. A second later they both came outside and Anya made a beeline towards the subject of her affections. They met in a hug before pulling away and proceeding to make out against the lower level porch.

With that, the boys of the house brought out a couple of kegs and a giant bowl of their famous jungle juice. A large crowd of people entered the house and Lexa started her mix back up. It would be a long night. 

/

An hour and a half into the party, Lexa was still stuck in her station at the turntables in the backyard. Clarke had been bringing her drinks and giving her kisses here and there but she still wanted to stretch out and walk around. 

She faded in one of her longer tracks, a premade "mix" of sorts for this type of occasion where she needed to leave her DJ table. Her eyes browsed the crowd to find her girlfriend and saw her talking to none other than Bellamy Blake. 

Though she knew she had nothing to worry about, she still felt a slight chill creep up her spine. Quickly she moved to where Clarke was leaning and wrapped her arms around the blonde from behind, not caring if she was interrupting their conversation at all. 

"Hey Lexa, nice mix." Bellamy said in a tone that left Lexa confused about whether it was sarcastic or not. 

For his sake, she assumed it was genuine. 

Clarke didn't leave her much time to react though as she turned in Lexa's arms and placed a quick kiss on her lips. Lexa grunted, she wanted more, but Clarke just pulled away and lead Lexa to stand next to her. 

Bellamy said something that made Clarke laugh and his eyes dipped to watch her bouncing chest as he grinned at his own joke. 

Jealousy and possessiveness weren't good traits but Lexa's brain was firing red flares at her, telling her to claim Clarke as her own in front of Bellamy. She kept her arm around Clarke and brought one of her soft, pale hands up to her mouth, kissing it and leaning in close to whisper, "May I have this dance?" before placing a line of kisses from the crook of her neck to her ear.

She pulled back and glanced at Bellamy to see his reaction (she wasn't proud of it) and was happy to see he had looked away. 

When she looked back at Clarke, the girl narrowed her eyes. Lexa stilled when she realized she'd been caught. 

"We'll talk about this later. But, yes, you may have this dance Madame DJ." Clarke smirked, knowing she had Lexa like putty in her hands. 

A blush fell over Lexa's cheeks at having been found out. She looked away from Clarke's eyes but blushed even further when her gaze locked onto the girl's chest. 

She let the girl lead her to the center of the backyard which had filled with undulating bodies. 

Clarke pressed her hands onto Lexa's collar bones, a particular touch that always drove Lexa crazy. The brunette bobbed slightly to the music, captivated by the girl now gripping the hair at the nape of her neck while grinding lightly. 

Lexa gulped, trying to wet her suddenly very dry mouth. Her hands clasped onto Clarke's hips and felt the muscles in the girl's ass tense and relax as she slowly ground into her to the trap beat. 

"You're being very bad Clarke." she admonished. The devious girl knew she had to be back at her DJ table soon but wouldn't let up on her extremely arousing dancing. 

It wasn't that Lexa wanted Clarke to stop, it was just that tonight meant a lot to Anya and she wanted it to go flawlessly. 

The blonde in front of her however, obviously had different plans for the night. "Come on, let's get you back to your table." she said, winking. Lexa didn't know what was going to happen but she knew she had to start mixing tracks again soon. 

When they got to the table, Clarke stood behind Lexa as she got her gear back on and lined up the next track. When the brunette looked back at her girlfriend, curious, the blonde had moved slightly behind a large bush, completely out of view from the rest of the party. 

Her eyes fell to Clarke's chest which was now being clutched by the girl's own hands. 

"Uh oh." she whispered to herself. This was going to be very very bad and very very good at the same time. 

The large amount of alcohol flowing through her system told her this was very good, but a small ounce of paranoia nagged at her, telling her that anybody could come over and see what she was seeing. 

Clarke didn't seem to care. She lifted her shirt so that Lexa could see her hands running over the pale stomach and sides before lifting it even further so that her bra was visible. 

"Clarke…" she tried to plead, her eyes darting around to the rest of the party. Her girlfriend just smirked and continued to grope her breasts, biting her lower lip sensually. 

Making a snap decision, Lexa faded in another long mix haphazardly. The fade was sloppy but the crowd didn't seem to care too much. Most of the guests were too drunk or high to care too much about what she was doing. That was very, very good for her purposes. 

She jogged over to where Clarke was hidden and took her into a deep kiss. "Clarke, you're being very bad." she chided and grabbed the girl's hands into her own, pushing them to the girl's sides, away from their previous activity. She took over their former position, pinching the hardening nipples through the bra and savored the moan that brought from the blonde. 

"So, what are you gonna do about it?" Clarke challenged before biting down hard on the cook of Lexa's neck. 

The brunette pulled back slightly to gaze at the girl in front of her. Was this a good idea? No. Would she do anything for Clarke? Yes.

She grabbed Clarke's left thigh to wrap it around her waist. She brought her other hand to Clarke's ass, grinding the blonde's pelvis into hers. 

Tonight Clarke was wearing a bodycon skirt, a fact that Lexa was now very grateful for. She could feel the wetness through the girl's panties and moaned, continuing to guide Clarke's hips into hers. 

"Do you want me to fuck you out here in front of everyone?" she asked, actually curious about Clarke's intent. 

"I want you to fuck me, I don't care where." she said, her voice deep and dark with lust. To prove her point further, she picked up Lexa's hand from her ass and moved it into the front of her panties. She moaned when the brunette's fingers slid along her wetness. 

Lexa echoed the moan, now feeling just how much Clarke wanted her. She teased the girl's entrance before moving up slightly to rub her clit. Her breath hitched when she saw Clarke throw her head back silently in ecstasy. 

Needing more balance, Clarke let her left leg back down to the ground and turned so her back was facing Lexa. 

The brunette wrapped her arms around the girl in front of her, one pinching a nipple through Clarke's bra, and the other slipping back into the girl's panties. She reached her girlfriend's entrance and dipped two fingers inside, feeling her give way easily. Lexa moaned as she pushed them inside up to the knuckles. 

Clarke moaned softly, circling her hips, trying to get the fingers even deeper inside of her. "Lexa please." she whispered. 

Seeing her girlfriend so wanton made Lexa's own clit twitch in response. She felt a surge of lust run through her flexing muscles and began to build her rhythm. Her fingers slipped easily in and out of Clarke and Lexa could feel the wetness dripping down her hand and down Clarke's thighs. 

Soon, her hand was moving so fast she thought she might hurt the girl. Clarke gasped and clutched at Lexa's shoulders behind her. "Fuck Lexa, I'm about to come already." she panted. 

Lexa curled her fingers harder to hit the G spot she had previously been teasing. Her own clit pulsed as she watched Clarke's knees give out as she entered her orgasm. She held the girl up in her arms and continued her ruthless pace, drawing out the orgasm for as long as it would go. 

The walls around her fingers clamped down hard and Clarke's whole body went completely rigid. Lexa slowed her pace immediately and guided the girl down from her high softly. 

Taking her fingers out of Clarke's dripping center drew a shudder from the blonde, and Lexa brought the fingers to her lips, licking them clean. 

The moment hit them both, they realized what they had just done and sobered slightly. 

"Wow. I don't know what came over me." Clarke said, blushing heavily. 

Lexa just shrugged, she certainly knew what came over her. She put that thought aside though and kissed the girl's forehead. "At least nobody caught us." she pointed out with a smile. 

Rolling her eyes, the blonde pulled down her shirt and her skirt, straightening them and trying to look like she wasn't just fucked behind a bush. 

She took Lexa into her arms and kissed her deeply. "You're one of a kind Lexa." she whispered, grinning from ear to ear. 

They made it back to the DJ table just in time for Lexa to fade in a new track. Clarke stayed by her side for the rest of the night, watching her flip switches and turn knobs with practiced ease. 

By the time the party ended, Lexa was too exhausted to do anything but collapse on Clarke's bed. The blonde snuggled in close and decided it had been a successful party. 

/

"I don't think we've had sex in an actual bed." Lexa mused out loud to her loudly gagging roommate. 

Pulling her fingers out of her throat, Anya rolled her eyes. "When I was telling you that you were getting boring and needed to get over your ex, I didn't mean that you should tell me details from your sordid sex life." 

Lexa absent mindedly thumbed her music. "Did you and Raven do it?" 

Anya smirked and finished making her Cup Noodles in the microwave before answering. "Well, the party was definitely what she needed. She thanked me all night." The wink she shot her roommate was all the indication Lexa needed to make the necessary jump. 

A small smile at her lips, Lexa pulled her hair into a quick bun. "I hope Clarke is just as receptive to my surprise. I know she said she's gotten over it, but I still feel like I need to make up for that night." 

"Listen, you two are disgustingly in love. I say this sincerely, from the bottom of my heart…" Anya paused, making sure Lexa was looking her in the eye. "Get out before you actually spoil my appetite." 

Laughing with her music clutched to her chest, Lexa made her way to the music building for the rehearsal she had orchestrated.

/

Clarke thumbed over the calluses on Lexa's hands as they watched Netflix, curled up on the couch in Clarke's living room. 

She paused the show and mumbled almost too quietly, "Hey, I'm sorry if what I did at Anya's apology party made you feel weird." 

Lexa moved to better look at her girlfriend and shook her head. "No, it didn't make me feel weird." Seeing Clarke's eyes questioning her assurance, she added, "Honestly Clarke. It was hot. If I hadn't wanted to do it, I wouldn't have." 

Sighing, Clarke nodded. She didn't press play though. 

Humming to herself, Lexa asked, "Is there something else you want to tell me Clarke?"

The girl let out a frustrated groan before admitting, "I just know that my behavior hasn't really indicated the type of person I am. I'm not usually this wild. I don't want you to think I'm like…" her hands vaguely gestured around her head. 

Taking the flailing hands into her own, Lexa kissed them both across the knuckles. "We are what we are, Clarke. I don't think any less of you for acting 'wild'. I know you're smart and responsible." Lexa chuckled before adding, "And I also know that you're fun and passionate." 

The blonde laughed and buried her head in the brunette's shoulder. "Thanks for not judging me." 

Lexa kissed the top of Clarke's head and replied, "Of course. How could I judge you when our first time was also at a party, also in a semi-public place? Clearly neither of us actually care about decency."

Smiling, Clarke leaned in to kiss her girlfriend tenderly. Lexa felt the blonde's hands cup her cheeks and it was then that she realized she wasn't a creature of darkness.

She wouldn't taint the purity of the beautiful girl in front of her. They were both shades between light and dark, mixing together to make a new color.


	7. Color My Mug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doo Wop- Ms. Lauryn Hill 
> 
> Bellamy is so sad, Clexa go on a fantastic date, Anya is bitchy, and Clexa get honest with each other.

Including Bellamy Blake in her personal project wasn't something Lexa wanted to do, but he was one of the better percussionists at the school. Still, since she was in charge, she could always make rehearsal unpleasant for him. 

"Blake, those thirty second notes aren't that fast. You're doing a roll but the rhythm is more measured, you have to count." she snipped. It wasn't untrue, but sure, she could have been easier on him. 

His cheeks reddened slightly, probably in anger. 

Lexa ran the section again, clapping her hands to accentuate the steady beat while the five other percussionists played the complex and somewhat chaotic rhythms and melodies. 

"Stop! Alright, there's a big disconnect between marimba 2 and the cymbals. It's a chaotic part, but it's not supposed to sound disconnected. Everyone else can leave. Bellamy, Harper, you guys stay. We have to get this figured out." Lexa knew giving Harper the marimba 2 part was a gamble but it seemed worth it to make Blake try to work with the perpetually confused girl. 

As the other percussionists left for the night, Lexa turned to the two left and clapped her hands together. "Again."

/

"And the business major comes back from the music building at 11pm for the third time this week." Anya drawled as Lexa entered the dorm. 

Tossing her score and mallets on the desk, the brunette groaned. "Why did I let Harper play Marimba 2 again?" 

Her roommate laughed as she removed her cup of tea from the beeping microwave. "Because that was the only way you could get Monroe to play xylophone. Those two are completely inseparable, it's disgusting." 

"She just gets lost every rehearsal! It's almost like she's never seen the music before. Like she's just been handed mallets for the first time and pushed onto the stage all doe eyed and bushy tailed." It wasn't the most hip thing Lexa's ever said, but before Anya could comment on the antiquated phrase, she shot her a warning look. 

"Okay, it's too late to keep stressing about Harper. She'll get it in time. You have what, a week until you want to reveal why you've been so secretive to your girlfriend?" 

Lexa paced, trying to relax her face. Too much sneering in one night could effect her smooth skin. She rubbed her cheek muscles in circles, trying to calm herself down. 

"I just want it to be perfect. I spent a lot of time composing this sextet for Clarke. Harper cannot ruin it." she vented.

Anya giggled like a child, "I bet you did spend a lot of time on that SEXtet." 

Rolling her eyes, Lexa gave in and laughed with her best friend. "Speaking of, how's Raven?" 

"She's great. Gave me the best orgasm earlier-"

"Anya! Can you not?" Lexa's wide eyes pleaded with her friend, she could not handle the level of detail Anya seemed so comfortable to share. 

Her roommate only laughed in response, sipping her tea and returning to her Set Theory paper. 

/

Clutching the giant burrito in her hands, Lexa felt like she was home in the dive bar. It was a two story house turned burrito bar- the upstairs apartment was transformed into a bar and dance club area, the downstairs housed the kitchen and a couple of booths. 

This particular burrito bar happened to be Lexa's favorite restaurant in the city and upon hearing that her girlfriend had never been, she decided it was time for a downtown date. 

"Alright, don't leave me for that burrito Lexa." Clarke joked nervously, trying to unwrap her own behemoth. 

She swallowed the giant first bite and smiled openly at the blonde across from her. "You're gonna love it Clarke. Come on, take a bite." 

Cautiously, Clarke picked hers up with both hands. Her eyes widened at the sheer weight of it, "I don't know if I can eat this. I mean, how do I even begin? I don't have a plan of attack." 

Lexa bumped Clarke's boots under the table playfully. "Just go for it. Seriously, there's no wrong way to eat these burritos." 

If Clarke was uncomfortable under the intense stare of her girlfriend as she took her first bite, she didn't show it. Instead, she became consumed by her dinner the second it hit her tongue. "Oh my God." she moaned around a mouthful. 

The brunette grinned, "Right?" 

"Holy shit Lexa. This is amazing. I didn't even think I would like a vegetarian chik'n nugget barbeque sauce burrito but this is soooo gooooood." She took another large bite, now eager to shovel it into her face. 

The sight of her favorite person eating her favorite food made Lexa's heart flutter slightly. There was no way anyone else could look that good shoving a giant burrito in their mouth. 

"Well it's a one of a kind burrito for my one of a kind lady." Lexa laughed, shoveling her own burrito into her mouth as well. 

By the time they finished all their food, the small hole in the wall restaurant became too crowded to hear each other. 

"Come on, I have something to show you." Lexa lead Clarke by the hand out of the dive into the downtown bustle. 

They wove through crowds of drunk girls and groups of men smoking outside of bars. 

"Lexa! Where are we going? Campus is the other way." Clarke spoke up from behind her girlfriend. 

"You'll see." Lexa smiled at the blonde's confused face, confident that the next leg of their date would blow her away. 

They turned down a slightly less populated street, one that Lexa had only been down while in search of a city bus before. She remembered a small business that caught her eye- yes, there it was. 

Lexa lead Clarke into the building, holding the door open for Clarke. "After you." 

Hesitating slightly, Clarke walked into the brightly lit building and stood still, taking it all in.

Before Lexa could check in with Clarke, a man came up to them, a too bright smile plastered onto his face. 

"Welcome to Color My Mug, you pick it, you paint it, you take it home. How can I help you tonight?" The man- Lexa squinted at his name tag- Jason, had a sort of pleading look in his eyes that didn't match his big smile. She knew it was the kind that only came with having to deal with difficult customers on a long shift. 

"We would like to pick something out and get set up with some paint please." she stated directly and politely with a relaxed smile. She looked over to Clarke to see the girl grinning at her. 

Jason lead them to a wall full of unpainted ceramics. "Once you've picked something out, you're welcome to take any open station. Feel free to come find me if you need anything." 

"Thanks." Clarke said, already picking up a plate and inspecting it. 

Lexa smiled at the man before turning her attention back to the blonde who was running her fingers over a cookie jar. 

Clarke's fingers traced the ceramics with care and Lexa marveled at her gentle touch. She watched the girl bite her rosy lip in contemplation as wisps of her hair lilted in the slight warm breeze coming from the vent just above them. She moved her purse from the crook of her elbow to her hand and let it bump against her brown knee high boots. Lexa had never seen a more attractive girl.

The artist settled on a mug and grabbed it, turning to Lexa and grinning. "Okay I have mine. What are you gonna paint?" 

Her eyes widened, she had been too caught up ogling her girlfriend that she forgot to pick something out. She glanced at the pieces next to her and picked up a plate. "Uh, this one." She blushed at Clarke's knowing smile but continued. "I like how uh…" she was at a loss, it was a plain plate after all, "flat it is. Um, good for painting." 

She ignored the blonde's laughter and lead them to an empty station, draping her jacket over the back of her chair. Clarke took her seat and shuffled it closer to Lexa than necessary. Their knees bumped under the table and Lexa had to bite her cheek to hold in an entirely too cheesy grin. 

"You know, I've never painted anything like this before. Usually all my art has to be perfect and you know…" Clarke waved her dry paintbrush in the air, "handed in for a grade." She smiled and tapped the stick on her cheek, inspecting the mug. 

Lexa smiled back and angled in her chair to face the girl better. "I'm glad you're into it. To be honest, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I mean, how cheesy is it to bring an artist to Color My Mug?" 

"Not cheesy at all. Or, maybe it is kind of cheesy but it's good. I like this." 

Feeling good about her decision, Lexa turned her attention to the painfully blank plate. It seemed to taunt her with its clean face. She peeked over to Clarke to see the girl had already started painting, determined to get her idea onto the mug. Slight panic flicked at the edges of her mind, she hadn't considered actually having to paint something in front of Clarke. 

Still though, she had to do something. Huffing slightly, she settled on an idea. 

/

Anya was her best friend. She was supposed to support Lexa. She was supposed to be on her side. She was supposed to be anywhere else but the living room couch with Raven when they came back from their date. 

Instead, Anya was laughing. At her best friends honest attempt at art. 

To make it worse, Raven joined in on the mockery, only souring her mood further. 

"Wow, now I know why you're a musician and not an artist!" Raven, now on Lexa's shit list, managed to bark out through her laughter. 

Lexa tried to grab her plate back from Anya but the girl pulled it out of reach. "Now babe, she really tried. I mean, look at these… Lexa what are these supposed to be?" 

The rage filled brunette finally grabbed her plate back. She clutched it to her chest. "Those are trees." Her frustration built as she felt her neck and cheeks become red with embarrassment, fury, murderous intent.

Anya laughed, "That's pretty sad."

"Talk to her like that again and you'll be eating applesauce through a straw." Clarke threatened, suddenly standing very close to the two girls. She was mostly facing Raven but her eyes darted between both her and Anya. The tone of the room had switched from teasing to tense in half a second.

Raven seemed to concede, grumbling slightly, but Anya glared at the blonde, stepping forward into Clarke's space. The blonde stood her ground, white knuckled fists at her sides.

Lexa shivered, she'd only seen Clarke truly angry once before, and that anger had been directed toward her. Still, a fight between her girlfriend and her best friend wasn't quite the way she wanted this night to go.

"Anya, don't." she warned her friend with a glare of her own. At her look, Anya stepped back but continued to stare down the blonde. Lexa snaked her hand in Clarke's and squeezed slightly to catch the girl's gaze. "Let's go upstairs." 

Lexa almost had to push the girl toward the stairs and was grateful when they entered Clarke's bedroom. She closed the door behind her. 

"How can you let her talk to you like that? Every time I see her, she's saying something mean to you." the blonde was pacing, her eyebrows furrowed tightly. 

Sighing, the brunette calmly stood in front of her girlfriend, blocking her pacing. She met Clarke's eyes and watched them relax, her whole demeanor changing from angry to concerned. 

"Clarke, I appreciate that you stood up for me." She lead them to sit on Clarke's bed. "Anya and I have been best friends since middle school. Her sense of humor isn't always the easiest to deal with and she can come across pretty mean-"

"You mean bitchy. She's a bitch Lexa." Clarke interrupted, eyebrows shooting together.

Lexa's jaw clenched, thinking carefully about her next words. "She didn't mean for it to come off that way. Yes, it was… kind of bitchy." Her girlfriend nodded eagerly. "She's just been on the offensive all her life and being genuine isn't always her first response. Kind of like Raven." Lexa relaxed as she saw Clarke digest her words. 

"I just don't like it. Nobody talks to you like that, they're all too afraid." she smirked at the last statement. Clarke shifted on the bed to face Lexa cross legged. 

The brunette mirrored the girl's position. "Oh? What have you heard?" This was good, if she could get Clarke to change direction, she could calm her down. 

The girl brought her hand up to play with the end of a lock of hair. "I heard someone say that they saw you take down four guys at a freshman house party because they bumped into you." She rolled her eyes. "Of course now that I say it out loud it sounds ridiculous." 

Lexa bit the inside of her cheek and stared into Clarke's eyes. She blinked slowly and nodded, "Yes, that did happen." 

Clarke's jaw dropped and Lexa shifted in the silence the followed. "What? Lexa, what?" 

"I wasn't always so in control of my reactions Clarke." 

"Oh my God. What, are you like a karate kid or something?" she blurted.

Shrugging, Lexa admitted, "I used to be interested in MMA when I was in high school. But after my first semester here, I figured out that I couldn't devote as much time to it so I stopped training. Sometimes I miss it." 

Her girlfriend shook her head slightly, "Wow. Is there anything else I need to know about you?" 

She considered the question carefully and decided to volunteer the important points. "I was born and grew up in a town close by. Anya was my neighbor and introduced me to karate after a couple of kids bullied me. We trained together and became friends. She got involved in a bad scene and I followed. I got involved with someone who got me hooked on pills. I met Echo through her. When the thing happened with Echo I stopped using. The girl dumped me when I got clean. I got into MMA and there I met Costia. We dated up until last year. I focused on my studies. And then I met you." 

If Clarke's large eyes were anything to go by, it was a lot of information to process. Lexa took one of the girl's hands into her own and gave it a little squeeze to bring her back to the conversation. 

"Oh." she said, clearly too stunned to formulate a response. 

Lexa took pity on her girlfriend and added, "So yeah, I guess I am like a karate kid or something." She smiled brightly at Clarke and felt lighter when the girl smiled back, chuckling lightly. 

The blonde nodded, considering her response. "Okay. Well, hello karate kid, I'm Clarke. I grew up in DC. My best friend, Wells, was the son of a family friend. My dad was an important politician. He died when I was in high school. My mom basically put me under house arrest because she was having a meltdown. I got into art when I found old art books in my father's stuff. Wells got involved in a bad scene. He died. I became the girl who's loved ones died. I came to college and Raven was the first person to not pity me. Turns out we were dating the same guy though. That was awkward." 

Clarke laughed. "Um, what else?" she asked herself, tapping her fingers on her chin.

"What happened when you found out you and Raven were dating the same person?" Lexa asked, genuinely interested. 

Red filled cheeks revealed the embarrassment Clarke felt about it. "I tried to pretend it didn't happen at first because Raven seemed really into him. She found out about me though, and he became obsessed with getting me back, like I was a possession. So they broke up.

"It was like he changed after that. He became angry all the time, refused to get a job, refused to go to college, and refused to let me go. I tried to avoid him and every time I saw him it would confuse my feelings. I really liked him but his behavior really fucked things up." 

"Hmm." Lexa couldn't help thinking of her own behavior that caused Clarke to distance herself. She still felt incredibly guilty about it. The only thing she could do was continue to show Clarke that she was there for her. "I'm sorry to hear about that Clarke, that sounds terrible. You can keep talking about him if it makes you feel better." 

Clarke's lips turned in a sad smile, "Thank you." Instead of continuing though, she kissed Lexa's knuckles. "You know, I really, really like you." 

Lexa smiled. "I really, really like you too Clarke." 

"And I like your plate." she pointed to the piece, temporarily forgotten on the bed next to them. 

Laughing, the brunette regarded the starry sky lighting up the tops of trees she painted onto the plate. Clarke was definitely the stars in the sky if Lexa was the canopy reaching up toward them.


	8. Just an update

Hey readers, I'm really sorry for the abrupt hiatus. Things have been going on in my life recently that are preventing me from updating (my laptop broke and my 4 year relationship ended, meaning I have to move back to my home state). 

I will have access to a computer in just a few short days and will update as soon as I can. Thanks for hanging in there. You're all wonderful people.


	9. just a personal update

Hello! It's been a while since I've logged onto this site. A little more than a year I think. 

When I got back to New York, things seemed pretty grim. I realized that a lot of the things that lead to the end of my relationship were really damaging- sometimes the moment you realize someone was abusing you is the moment you're free from the abuse. 

One of the things that really helped me distract myself from the reality of my situation was writing and interacting with all of you. And for that I want to thank you from the deepest part of my heart. If I didn't have something to look forward to on this website then I'm not entirely sure I would still be here to post this update. 

I've been dating someone new- someone who knows why I flinch, why I cry at night sometimes, and why I sometimes get scared during intimate moments. My healing process is underway, part of that is joining AA and abstaining from alcohol. Another part is taking a job working with autistic children and helping them learn. With a new control over my love life, my addictions, and my career, I feel in charge for the first time in a long time. 

So I've been doing well my friends, which means I'm ready to come back! I already have the next chapter written out and ready to go in a couple days. I can't wait to share it. 


	10. Man With a Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa prepares for the upcoming concert.

The camera light flashed in her eyes, making dots appear in her vision. Lexa blinked them away and groaned. "How many more photos do we have to take?"

Clarke, crouched low with a camera to her face, mumbled, "Just a couple more." 

More flashes, more dots, more groaning. 

Lexa plucked at the suit she was wearing, a single strand of thread poked out from her pocket. "I don't know Clarke. Should I wear something else? The suit seems a little fancy." 

"Of course it's fancy!" the blonde amateur photographer shouted. "Lexa, your face will be on the poster for the winter percussion concert. This is your moment to shine. Don't you want people to know you're a professional?" 

The pocket string would have to wait, now the tie was crooked and needed to be fixed. Lexa sighed, "Also Clarke, this makeup is ridiculous. It's a concert, why do I need war paint? This has to be cultural appropriation of some kind of tribe somewhere. What if it doesn't wash off and I have raccoon eyes?" 

The camera flashed a couple times and Clarke grinned at the screen, checking out the shot she just got. "Oh yeah. That's sexy. That's going in my portfolio." She turned the screen to face Lexa, showing it to her. 

Being a woman of some substance, Lexa regarded the picture carefully. She zoomed in, looking for any imperfections. There wasn't anything glaringly obvious but she still felt uncomfortable. "Okay, if you like it then I trust you. I guess." 

"Alright, lets get you cleaned up. Don't want the composer coming to rehearsal looking like a raccoon!!" the blonde chortled. She grinned at her girlfriend, happy with the results of the night. 

"Oh my God." Lexa shook her head and stormed to the bathroom. 

/

The brunette composer had to admit, there were some really good things happening in the rehearsal. After all, it was three days before the concert. 

"Okay, just the marimbas from measure 25. Half speed." she barked, jotting something down in her own music before taking the mallets into her hands and looking at Bellamy, ready to begin. 

A scowl was fixed on his face, but his mallets were poised for his opening chord. He watched carefully as Lexa inhaled sharply, indicating both the tempo and the feeling of the music. 

The two marimbas filled the rehearsal hall with low, Earthy tones while the rest of the ensemble sat back, enjoying the mesh of rhythm and melody. 

"That was good, now let's get it back up to speed. You need to take my lead here, Bellamy. I'm going to be expressive with my part here, the rhythm flows freely here, it's not as rigid as the first part." she said, hands wrapped around her mallets tightly. Her voice was diplomatic but her jaw was tense. She locked eyes with him, silently warning him. If he didn't follow her tempo, the whole thing could fall apart. 

Bellamy nodded, mallets poised for the opening chord again. 

Lexa relaxed her muscles and remembered her artistic motivation for this part. She wanted it to sound like Clarke's hair falling as she took it out of a ponytail. Or maybe like their hands intertwined, thumbs rubbing and squeezing. 

She locked eyes with Bellamy and they began again. 

/

Anya sat in the back of the rehearsal space next to Raven, observing her best friend command the small ensemble. She looked down as Raven took out her phone and texted Clarke, "If you weren't dating Lexa, I would probably go for it."

Raven yelped when she got an elbow in her ribs as response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a few days. Work has been hectic and I decided to rewrite the next few chapters to make a little more sense and go in a different direction. Hope you guys enjoy this small chapter! Sorry it's not longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! All comments, suggestions, and questions are appreciated. 
> 
> XOXO


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